The Big Fuck ... err... I mean FIVE

I got tagged by an irritating purple dino. As I'm afraid of having some long hair weird chick climbing out of my TV set if I don't, I gotta do it ...

1) Sight

I suffer from myopia due to too much reading when I was a kid.

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MUAHAHAHHAHAH!!! Gotcha!!!!!

It was probably due to too sitting within one metre from the television.


2) Hearing

I have a very lousy sense of hearing. And I do automatically filter out things that I do not like to hear, which is also what you call "Selective Hearing". Unlike Barney who alters what he hears to something that makes him feel better about himself, I filter out unpleasant comments totally.

E.g.

"You look fat" = silence

"I think if you stop pigging out, you will stop putting on weight" = silence

Get the picture?


3) Smell

The kind of smells that i like include:

- rain
- a baby's hair
- Mr Boyfriend, when he juz came out of the shower
- Green Ogre's fresh laundry (Ogre's mommy uses a special kind of detergent that produces a sort of fragrance that is, in my opinion, even better than perfume

The kind of smells that turn me on include:

- the perspiration of cute guys who juz came back from a soccer game
- the sweat of cute guys when making out
- the smell of a cute guy


4) Taste

I have a sweet tooth which means that I crave for all things sweet. I like them even better when my favourite sweet stuff is smeared onto someone i like. Allow your imaginations to run wild about what happens after that. *wide grin*


5) Touch

I'm a very touchy person and I tend to touch people to whom I'm speaking to. More so if you're a cute guy =)

And I do like grabbing tight asses, so if you are a cute guy with a tight ass, better stay away from me. Unless you wanna be grabbed of course.

Oh Big Brother ...

For the benefit of you guys who have no idea what “Big Brother” is, it’s a reality show whereby this so called “Big Brother” guy would select a group of guys and gals in a country, confine them in a villa or bungalow or juz some place, called the “Big Brother’s House”, and the chosen ones would live together for a while. There are cameras all over the place, including the bathrooms, so you would get to see what all of them are doing 24 hours a day. The audience gets to vote out those people that they like least and the final person that gets to stay inside the house wins a huge sum of money.

Now the juicy part of this show is people who bothered to sign up for such a show are either:

1) dying to become famous
2) dying to lay or get laid in front of the national TV
3) juz there for the free sex, lodging and food

So you can imagine the kind of scenes you get on TV. Sometimes, you would see the TV playing “Big Brother – Uncut” and you would get scenes of the gals bathing, how the horny guy snug up to the horny girl’s bed and how they hid under the blanket the whole night. Yes, it sounds like a real entertaining show. And it supposedly is.

In a particular European Country:

There was a guy (let’s call him XXX) who was called up to Big Brother’s room and Big Bro asked him the reason for his sudden outburst at the rest and all. XXX got agitated and started swearing like crazy and even threatened to break down the glass pane that was separating Big Bro and himself.

Big Bro : XXX, why did you try to hit Yy?

XXX : Cos I ain’t no fucking liking him. That lousy shit.

Big Bro : Still, that doesn’t give you the right to beat someone up.

XXX : You shut up the fuck up! You have no fucking right to tell me what the fuck I am supposed and not supposed to fucking do! You want a piece of me? You bring your lousy pussy out of that fucking room and we’ll trash it out!

*XXX attempted to break down the glass panel*

XXX : Come out, you fucking pussy!

Big Bro : *must have been shivering like a little kitten* Calm down, XXX. You gotta calm down. Grab a hold of yourself.

XXX : You’re not the one who has to show your lousy ass to the goddamn camera everyday! You don’t have to bloody show the rest of the world what the fuck you’re eating for lunch, that mole you have on your fuckin’ lousy arse and feeling all the pressure of having fucking audience to vote you out if they don’t fucking like you. Well, fuck you all! Fuck you!

*XXX breaks down, crying*

XXX : I can’t take it anymore …..


Surprisingly, XXX became suddenly very popular after his outburst at Big Bro and he won the show that year.

If I don’t remember wrongly, in Germany, there was a scene where an orgy was going on. It would have been a real turn-on if the people involved were better looking.

Brazil had the best Big Brother. The selected few were kept in a villa and everyday, the gorgeous hunks and the babes would hang out in the pool. The babes were so delicious that I almost drooled. There were lots of hot scenes of flirting in the pool, behind the bush, in the toilets, etc. The most amazing part: There was no sex. Everybody controlled their twitching sex organs and there was no ejaculation whatsoever. Reason being Brazil is a Catholic country and the last thing these people want is to have themselves condemned in their families and churches for having pre-marital sex on national TV. I applaud these people for their amazing ability in keeping their g-strings or thongs on.

Once, a friend was feeling envious that I was living in Australia for a while cos I get to watch “Big Brother” live and not on the internet. For the record, I have to emphasize that Aussie’s “Big Brother” is damn boring. Being a nation of hedonists, they enjoy doing nothing but juz baked themselves dry in the sun while drinking beer and talking the whole damn day. And did I mention that some of the Aussies who went on Big Brother were really fat? I was in Aussie for two seasons of Big Brother, but I managed to catch only a few episodes of it. And those episodes were the uncut versions, which had disappointed me greatly. I had expected more daring and juicy action from them but all I saw was either lots of French kissing only or juz people nestling under the blanket as they rolled over each other. The one scene that grossed me out the most was this particular guy who was soaking himself in the pool with this really huge and fat gal. Fyi, this fat gal looked like she had juz eaten her entire family. Yes, she was that fat.

Skinny but horny guy: *mumbling something*

Fat Gal : *giggles* …..

Horny Guy: *giggles back*

*silence*

Horny Guy : You know, I really like your breasts.

Fuggin’ horny guy was obviously oblivious to the rest of the stuff around the breasts.

Fat Gal : Really? You do? This one? *And she grabbed her right boob*

Ewww …. That was really gross.

Guy : *Getting excited* Yeah … I think you look real sexy.

What the ….?!?!?!?!?

Fat Gal : aw … You’re really sweet, you know that? Well, I feel really sexy too … *And she started to shake her lousy fat butt at the guy*

You fuggin’ disgusting assholes. I’m turning the TV off.

And I did. And that was the last time I watched “Big Brother”.

Check out this blog : http://cheekybynature.blogspot.com

This cheeky guy is really hilarious. Provides tons of entertainment. Go visit if you need some laughter.

The One About Skirmish

Warning: Revolting pics enclosed.

A few years back, I was introduced to the wonderful activity of “Paintball” where it was held at Orchid Country Club (OCC). If you’ve played before, you would know that:

1) Paintball can be extremely fun
2) It can also be extremely painful
3) It creates splendid opportunities for you to get back at the asshole that has been ogling at your girlfriend’s breasts.
4) It’s a very dirty game where you may end up covered in mud or swallowing part of the paint even with the smelly mask on
5) For the girls, this may be the only time when you will experience what running with a gun is like

Now, the rule of the game is to attack only the opposite team and you’re not allowed to shoot at your own team members. But of course, accidents do happen. Anyway, in OCC, a barrier consisting of 2 ropes is put up in the middle of the field and both teams are not allowed to cross the barrier. Which means that the closest you can get to is at least 7 metres to your enemy.

Even at this range, when hit by a “bullet” (the paintball), the pain can be excruciating. You will, without a doubt, end up with marble-sized bruises even in the most protected area of your body.

So the first time I played, a friend of mine lent me his “Army Number 4” uniform to minimize my chances of being bruised. Obviously, it helped but not much. I went home with bruises on my thighs, arms and butt.

But I decided to play a second time as I felt that I was more ready this time and would be a much better position to bruise other people who hadn’t played before. *Evil Grin* For all you smart alecks out there who thought that I would go home with more bruises this time, you are wrong. I went home with no injury whatsoever even though I had a pretty ungraceful fall during the game. But, I had no bruises on me. HEH HEH. Ain’t I brilliant?

Which is why, I was ecstatic and overly excited the third time I was to play Paintball. This time, it was in Australia. Instead of Paintball, they call it Skirmish. As I was already suffering from insomnia then, I couldn’t sleep the night before and ended up looking like a zombie drug addict when we got to the playing field. But it was not like the game at home:

1) Instead of a single field, there were 7 fields to play in. And all 7 were made up of different terrains
2) There was no barrier separating the teams and you could shoot your enemy (or teammate) right in his face (or his groin). The administrator warned that if a bullet hit you within 5 metres, your skin would tear immediately. What better way to do damage to that bitch you’ve always hated?
3) They offered army-liked uniforms for all participants to change into. The girls got an extra chest plate (It’s like an extra shield to protect the oh-so-tender breasts). But I was unlucky enough not to get one cos I was the last on the queue (due to a bad bladder situation) and they had run out of chest plates. Fug.
4) You could even purchase grenades made up of paint and such to attack your enemies. But those were way too expensive and being students, we couldn’t afford it.

The only thing that was similar to the game played at home (apart from the gun and bullets) was you can still surrender by placing your gun above your head. Which of course, it would still be up to your enemy to decide if they want to shoot you in your face.

The two teams involved happened to be us Singaporeans vs The Malaysians. Now, having gone through army and stuff like that, our dear Singaporean boys were naturally more conceited and arrogant. But I don’t blame them for their bigheadedness cos we won all the games in all the fields and I do enjoy being part of a winning team. *proud grin*

The only unfortunate event that happened was me being shot.

I was hiding behind a big tree with Mr Boyfriend (who took up a fair bit of the space) while firing at the enemy. One of our enemies snug up on us and even though I fired right at him, he didn’t back off. As he came closer by the second, I panicked and tried to flee while attempting to raise my gun (Yes, I was a wuss and I still feel bad about it). But, the enemy appeared not to have seen my gesture for surrender and fired a shot right at me after he came round the tree.

All of a sudden, I couldn’t think and could only clutch my left arm tightly. At the same time, all sorts of vulgarities just came spouting out of my mouth even without me knowing (Okay, maybe I knew but I juz needed to show how pissed I was). I was exploding like a suppressed maniac who had not been allowed to swear for decades. Then, I heard a voice in my head.

“ …. Remember, if you’re hit within 5 metres, your skin will tear immediately….”

So what happens when you’re hit juz 1 metre away?

You end up with :

1) A pingpong sized bruise on the first day
2) That is blue, green, maroon and yellow in colour and it’s a little bloody
3) A purplish bruise that stretches from the shoulder to the elbow for the next 3 days
4) A scar that stays with you for at least 2 years.

It looked something like that except my bruise was more colourful

Anyway, the guy who shot me felt really bad about what he did that he kept apologizing even though I was swearing at him. As the game was still going on (thus, bullets flying everywhere), he (the enemy) tried to prevent me from getting more shots by using his body to shield me from the bullets.

Aww … that was so sweet. I almost felt bad then, for swearing at him.

Just for your info, Mr Boyfriend had no idea who happened because he was juz so engrossed in the game. Damn.

Despite being injured, I persevered and continued to battle until we had covered all the fields. That was about a good 4 to 5 hours later. By then, I was utterly worn out. And hungry.

Still, that really was an amazing experience and the most enjoyable game I had ever played.

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After the game, my friends who knew I didn’t sleep the night before, insisted on keeping me awake with mahjong as they felt that sleeping in the afternoon would only worsen my insomnia. I think that was juz an excuse for them to come over to my home for mahjong since my home was the only place where a mahjong set and table were available. I was kept awake until 11pm that night. Which meant that I had not slept for 40 hours. Looking back, I still don’t know how I managed to survive.

About Counter Strike (wohoo!)

I was going through some of my old emails and came across this particular mail sent by Mr Boyfriend. Even though I have read it umpteen times, I still find it extremely entertaining. It's about his analysis and strategies on playing Counter Strike (CS) among our group of CS pals. Read on ...

p.s. you will understand only if u happen to know who he is talking about or if you play the game itself.

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Attention all terror

This msg is forward only to the brave warriors of the middle east. Tonite, our mission is to ambush the idiots in blue. With strategic planning, the blues would be in a daze. Let do some assessment on their blues below.

Target no 1 - Marvin De Bruce
Nickname : Jumping Monkey
Favourite weapon : Always stealing other people's weapons
Favourite Move : Likes to throw grenades and shoot your head with a hand gun.
Tackle formula : All rush toward him and see how he aim.

Target no. 2 - Adrienne the female killer
Nick name : The Giddy Lady
Favourite weapon : M-16
Favourite Move : She will either come from behind or follow Marvin De Bruce. Throwing of bombs will follow.
Tackle formula : Go into hiding and ambush her.

Target no 3 - Gabriel the Holy Follower
Nick name : General Potato
Favourite weapon : MP5 (be'cos he always dies, so no money to afford better firearms)
Favourite move : Stand like a potato and hope to think that he's harmless. Always appears after every one has died.
Tackle formula : Not required

Target no 4 - Joe Neo Neo (Double spy) Sometimes Counter-T, sometimes just T.
Nick name : Veggie most Hated Enemy
Favourite weapon : Machine gums (chew & chew)
Favourite move : Hero running in front that attracts most fire power. (always first to die)
Tackle formula : Let him keep on running.

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One of the replies to the above analysis:

Waa ... I didn't know nowadays turbans are so well-educated and tactical. No wonder the Americans have so much trouble trying to catch them.hahah ...

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I sure hope I had chosen the right man to marry. Heh.

I am a happy dog

7:30am : Was awakened by the barking of a small little square box. It stopped after Missy tapped her paw on it. Missy stirred a little but did not get up.

8:00am: The stupid little square box barked again. Why did it bark almost every morning? I need my sleep. I'm a tired little dog. Thankfully, Missy stopped it again.

8:15am: ARGH! That square box gotta stop barking!! I suspect it's because Missy doesn't want to get up. Cos after she gets up, the little toopid box will stop barking.

8:30am: Missy just came back from her shower. She always smells nice after her shower. I luv this part of the morning cos she will walk around the room with nothing on her. And i get to play my "pretending to sleep, thus looking like a sweet, little, innocent angel" and she will come and stroke my neck while I pretend to sleep.

8:45am: Missy just walked out of the door and I think she won't take me out again. She always leaves me at home with my soft toy. *sulk* Gosh, my nose is itchy. Think I will rub it against the bed.

9:15am: Yeah!! Old Missy is awake! She always takes me out in the morning. Yippee!! I will keep following her around the big kennel until she gets so annoyed she has no choice but to take me out.

9:30am: Woof! That's right! I'm in the great outdoors! I think I will attempt to jump over the scary drain today.

9:35am: The scary drain is still very scary. I think I will jump over it tomorrow.

10:00am: This sugs. Back to big kennel sugs. *yawn* I think I need my nap.

10:15am: What's that smell? ..... *sniff sniff* It's my food! Yippee!! It's a good day! I have nice food!

10:30am: I feel so full. I think I can sleep even better now. Hopefully, I will dream of a big, nice bone.

12:00pm: What is that sound? ..... Never mind, I'm tired. And hungry.

*snores*

3:00pm: There is something outside the window. It's coming into the house. It's cold and it's making me cold. It makes a howling sound. I don't like being in the big kennel when the something outside the window starts to howl. Damn it. I think I will sleep under the big round table in the food making area. And I'm hungry.

5:00pm: Thing outside window decided that it can't do anything to me. Cos i'm under the big round table and I'm protected. huh! Come get me, u toopid howling cold thing!

5:30pm: I think I want to do something constructive today. Maybe I will try to jump on the chair. *pauses* Maybe not. I'm still tired from the run this morning.

6:00pm: I'm still tired after my nap. Why? I think I will nap in my room now. It makes me less tired. I think. But first, I must scratch my pillow. I luv scratching my pillow. I don't know why. Wosh, I'm hungry.

7:00pm: Wait a minute. I think i hear something. It's the keys. Missy is back! yeah! *runs out of room* Missy is back! Missy is back! I'm so happy to see her!

Missy always hugs me when she comes back to big kennel. And i can snuggle into her breasts. They smell nice.

7:30pm: It's food time again! La la la la ..... I luv food.

8:30pm: It's gai-gai time! Yippee! I love running and walking. Missy always doesn't seem to be able to catch up. I always outrun her. heh ....

8:50pm: No, i don't wanna go back to big kennel. No no ... I think Missy is calling me. I will pretend to look at the tree nearby and not in her direction.

8:51pm: Oh-oh. Missy seems pissed. She is now yelling. I think I will show her my innocent look. Like I didn't hear her the first time. *innocent look*

8:55pm: Missy is easily conned. She really seems to think I didn't hear her the first time. hahah. Now she is calling me "sweetie" again.

9:00pm: Why do I need to get my paws cleaned after each walk? Why doesn't Missy clean her own paws? I'm not the only one who went on the greens. So unfair.

11:00pm: I'm tired. Think I can't wait for Missy to off the lights. I'm a clever dog. I can sleep with lights on, ya know?

11:15pm: *snores* *dreaming of bone*

The Stag Nite & The Wedding

There was a stag party on Friday. As the organisers involved were too busy and "tame" to organize a wild nite for the groom-to-be, I stepped in and offered my help; getting some of the party props like balloons and fancy hats, co-ordinating and putting up a special event, helping them with the location and so on. But, I did not attend the party itself as it was an all guys' night. In spite of what some of you might say to this, I am genuinely a girl/woman/gal/female. Never mind if my behavior or speech does not affirm this.

Anyway, after Friday, I have had various feedback on how the entire party went. Some seemed traumatized while others still appeared excited even two days later. And I also got to know that somehow the groom-to-be found out about my involvement (although he wasn't supposed to know) and thankfully, he wasn't mad about some things I did (like the very nice "penis crown" that I made him).

I believe there are a few of you who are dying to find out what exactly went on during the stag party. As the people involved had sworn to secrecy about the whole event, ie. If you leak out any part of it, some part of you would rot and fall off, etc., I would reveal as per the powerpoint slide that was done up for the wedding.

"So, what exactly happened on Wen's Stag Night?"

......

"We invited a lot of people ........ *pictures of a lot of people* .... and drank coke the whole night."

That was it. Do not ask any further. I can't afford to have any part of me rotting.

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This morning, I attended a wedding solemnisation at Le Meridien Changi. Despite the humidity, everyone still gathered by the pool side and waited patiently for the bride and groom (who were late almost by an hour) to turn up. A lot of cheering took place when the groom stepped out of the lift with his beautiful bride by his side. They were a handsome couple. Really.

Everything went on well and the weather was almost perfect. That is, until it started to drizzle when the photo-taking session was in place. Other than that, everything was great.

As I do not have any other pics to show yet, I would juz show you the picture that I took with my phone of the cute couple.

PRESENTING: Wen and Celia! .... *drums roll*

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The Cute Couple

Oops!!! Wrong pic .... That was Wen and his ex-fling by the way. And the ex-fling was ignoring Wen cos the latter mentioned something sensitive about his, er ... something. We don't need the details, do we?

The beautiful couple

I hope they can bring each other happiness in the years to come. And I was so inspired by the wedding, that I wrote a poem on the spot and penned it down inside their guest book.

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As you go through life to find one another,

You overcome obstacles like no other.

And as the sun rise high today

It marks the solidifying of your bond that has come a long way.

Congratulations, my friends

For Joy is never more pure until you find The One

who will walk life with you till the end.

Author: Me

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p.s. Now that I have a new PC *AHEM!*, i promise more pics once I get it from the rest.

Maybe I am the one with a problem all along. Decision-making is so hard. And tiring.

Anyway, in case you're curious, a peek of the supposed token of love.

Fateful Sunday at the Carpark

Sundays are lazy days. My Sunday afternoons are usually spent at home watching TV, taking sweet afternoon naps or watching more TV. Nowadays, however, I spent a lot of my Sundays working; checking out the junk at the amazingly-crowded Ikea to furnish the new office, working out the new operations procedures with my to-be colleagues, or searching for fengshui pieces to hang around the new working area. And after an exhausting day, I go home to meet Mr Boyfriend who has been bumming in front of the TV the whole damn day (although he claimed that he had been studying). Then we would go out for dinner before proceeding back to the multi-storey carpark that's situated right beside his block.

No, we weren't there for kinky business. We were there, for SERIOUS business. That's right, we go there every Sunday night to wash the car (cos there aren't any car washing areas near my place). It's usually quite a fun routine cos we would take this time to gossip about people, specifically, our friends. (Please don't come asking me if we gossip about you. We do.)

The last Sunday, however, was not that fun. Mr Boyfriend claimed to be suffering from a full body ache due to the soccer match that he participated the day before (which his team lost, by the way, haha). Therefore, he has difficulty even lifting up his arm (although I have no idea why soccer involves so much of the arm muscles). And this meant that I had to wash the entire car by myself. While I was splashing, cleaning, and scrubbing, Mr Boyfriend are walking about, supposedly "supervising" the entire operation. Passers-by looked on in disbelief as they saw how I toiled and sweat while Mr Boyfriend wore a simply couldn't-care-less expression on his face. In fact, too many passers-by saw what went on and it was almost like Ridley's Believe-It-Or-Not. Anyway, after more than an hour, I finished what I was set to do and lighted up a cigarette. That was when it happened.

Mr Boyfriend: *Beckoning to me* Come come, I got something to give you.

Me : What? You got another gift for me? (He had given me an anklet earlier which he bought during his last trip in KL)

Mr Boyfriend: Yah *Pretending to look elsewhere while he took out a package from his bag*

The bag, maroon in colour, had "Lee Hwa" printed on it.

Me: *suspicious and to be frank, a little taken aback* What is that?

Mr Boyfriend: It's a proposal ring. Heh.

Me : *disbelief* rubbish.

Mr Boyfriend: It's true. *took out the little box from the bag, and revealed a little silver ring, with a shiny stone on it*

Me: No no no. You don't think you can juz do it here and get away with it. Put the ring back. I told you before what I wanted and you have to fulfill it. Where are my flowers and the bended knee?

Mr Boyfriend: Oei, cannot like that one hor. *starts poking me with his fore finger*

Me: No lor! You can't just corner me like that.

Mr Boyfriend: *Ignoring my protest and took out the ring*

Me : Where is the dolphin that i wanted?

Mr Boyfriend: That one very expensive leh! My sister said it's not worth it cos I have to get it custom-made.

Me: But I don't need diamonds to go with it. I juz want the dolphin.

Mr Boyfriend: You think you can get people to create a mould for the ring and tell them you don't want any diamonds with it?

Me: So how now? Are you going to propose?

Mr Boyfriend: Eh.... still need to say it out meh? Here so many people *There was none in sight*

Me: ...... And you have to kneel down.

Mr Boyfriend: *seeing that I was insistent* okay lah okay lah. *reluctantly bends a little bit of his right knee* Oei, so you want to marry me or not?

Me : You call that a proposal? *pauses for a few seconds* I want to think about it.

Mr Boyfriend: Why do you still need to think?! There is only one answer!

Me: *shakes head* Nope. I may say no. I have said many times before that I may not marry you, haven't I?

*silence*

..................

What went on later was the discussion on the price of the ring, which Mr Boyfriend had gotten a HUGE discount on since his sister works at Lee Hwa. Initially Mr Boyfriend didn't want to divulge the price of the ring, but after more discussions, he ended up showing me the actual receipt.

Anyway, please do not send me your congrats yet, because up till now, I have not made up my mind. Reason being we have a lot of issues that are not being ironed out, and until we do, I can't see myself marrying him. Do rest assure though that no matter what, you would see my answer on this blog. In the meantime, I appreciate friends leaving me "sweet nothings" on this entry but please do not call or sms me to talk about this. Unless I have spoken to you about this before I post this entry, otherwise please juz leave me to sort this out myself. I'm juz too tired to talk about the whole thing again.

Thanks very much.

The Big Quit Smoking Campaign

A few years back, a few buddies from work and I decided that we want to quit smoking together. And we decided that the first working day of the year 2001 would be a great time to do that.

Morning passed by slowly and I felt extremely lousy. No puff after my breakfast. Which means no pooping. And I felt like I was constipating. PUI!

Lunch was worse. Most of us didn't eat during lunch for different reasons and we used to end up juz smoking. It was like PSI 100 at the corner of the kopitiam where we sat in. So with no cigarettes, there was better air, food became more tasty but we were all in too foul a mood to realise any of that. I don't even want to start on the "no cigarette after my meal" thing.

The final straw came in the late afternoon. I was restless and my mood was switching between ecstasy and fuggin' pissed off. One moment, I was laughing like a bloody hyena and another moment, I looked like I was about to stab the guy that borrowed my pencil. At one point, I was laughing to a very lame joke by a co-worker that I almost knelt down while leaning against the chair of another colleague. My buddy realised that I was hysterical and she did what she had to do - She helped me up and said, "Come come, it's time for your medication."

4.30pm. I had my first puff for the day. Man, it was good.

So for the years to come, I decided that Quit Smoking would not be on my list of New Year Resolutions. I don't wanna be fugging kiddin' myself.

But earlier this year, my BF and i thought we could quit smoking together. I managed to stop for 4 days straight (hooray!). During these four days though, it was a torment having to listen to the two voices in my head.


The white one with the halo :

1. If you quit smoking, you would not age so easily. That is, you won't have wrinkled skin and saggy cheeks by the time you're 30.

2. Your teeth will not continue down the road of irrepairable yellow tobacco staining.

3. Your stamina will be better and you will lose weight faster!

4. No fear of your mom finding out that you're still a puffer.

5. You'll be more desirable if you don't smoke and don't reek of burnt tobacco leaves.

She said a lot more, but I don't seem to remember .....


The red one with the horns said:

1. If you don't smoke, you won't be able to join your buddies for smoke breaks. Which is the best time to bitch about assholes in the company.

2. It's juz one stick! After this stick, you can quit. *yeah rite! muahahhah!!*

3. Remember u'll be a lot less patient to wait for people if you can't light up while waiting. Which means you'll end up pissed more often. And you'll age more easily if you're often pissed.

4. Then you can no longer use cigarettes to keep annoying buayas at bay when you're clubbing.

5. What are you gonna do when you're upset?! Remember the late nights that you spend puffing away when the man you love left you?

6. You know you want it.

7. C'mon, do you need more reasons than this?

Meanwhile, the white one with the halo's trying to fight the red one with the horns by throwing little punches at the latter. But she doesn't have a giant fork. And we know who has a Giant fork. And so, we know who won the fight. *shrugs*

It feels good ....

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It's been a long time since I felt this way.

We were chatting happily in my living room, drinking white wine at the same time. It was odd that both of us actually got to hang out together by ourselves. Then we started talking about fantasies and all, and he said that we should all get a chance to live out our fantasies. I laughed, saying that mine would be an impossible thing to happen. As I shy away, he grabbed my right hand and leaned in while he looked at me in the eyes intently.

"We can make things happen."

And his lips met mine.

It wasn't a wild, hot kiss. No groping of any sort. At least not right then. It was gentle, a little bashful, and enthusiastic.

I was stunned for a while as I tried to recollect what just happened. He looked at me and smiled reassuringly. I will never forget that look.

I smiled back.

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The waves rolled in, wetting our feet, which was covered with sand. The feeling of his fingers intertwined with mine was very comforting. I forgot how much I loved holding hands. And a chance to hold his hand, was something that I could never dream about. The sun slowly disappeared behind the hills as we continued strolling...

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Setting: Room, two candles nearby, soft music in the background, two wine glasses on the table.

As we danced slowly to the song, he started kissing me. From my lips, moving towards my ears, down to the neck. It was soft, yet passionate. We progressed towards the bed as his hand slipped under my blouse... I extended my arms around his body and slowly slided down, to which I applied a mild pressure on his rear muscles.

He paused a while to take off his t-shirt, but not without giving me a peck on the cheek first. As I laid on the bed, watching him, it gave me pure joy juz being able to get this close to him. Although I knew there and then too, that he could never be mine.

What followed next was that of a marathon - slow, with occasional outbursts of energy and yet steady throughout. My moments of ecstasy was beyond description. Making love never felt any better. I was afraid it never will.

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I put my head against his left arm as we both laid there, naked and tired. He sat up, lighted up two cigarettes and handed me one. Before he laid back down, he brushed away my hair to kiss me on the forehead.

I moved in closer to his body and held his hand. I felt blissfully contented. Even if it was only one night.

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When I opened my eyes, it was morning. My alarm clock was making its usual beep, which got louder by the second. I tried to recall what happened, and I realised my subconscious mind had gotten the better of me again. I so crave for intimacy and so missed it. Still, I felt great. It was really like a fantasy fulfilled.

CHAT CHAT CHAT CHAT CHAT CHAT CHAT

A fictional conversation between two fictional characters:

FC1: You know, your blog's theme is bitching.

FC2: Fug, no. It's not.

FC1: Of course it is. You bitch all the time.

FC2: No, I don't! I don't bitch all the time!

FC1: Okay. Adrienne bitches most of the time.

FC2: No, okay?! i bitch like ......... *long pause* ....... shit, i really bitch most of the time. Damn it. My subconscious talking and I didn't know that I kept bitching.

Moral of the story: Be careful of what you blog. You never know when the devil in you is the one blogging away. And don't kid yourself, you seldom hear your angel talking.

More wedding bells ...

A good friend of mine is getting ROM soon. I hope he is genuinely happy about it. To the said friend:

All the best. She will now own half of you - money, property, body, assets, etc. So there is very little chance for the rest of us to con you of your money since there will be someone else in charge of your finances. Damn it.

Wedding Bells are ringing

I started the day at 6.50am, waking up to the shrill yelling of my alarm clock. Having to drag my lazy arse out of bed in the morning always annoys me.

Why muz I wake up in the morning?

Why can’t I sleep in?

Why muz I go to work?

But today is different. I don’t have to go to work. I juz need to play bridesmaid-cum-errand-girl for the next seven hours. Which is also work actually, except that I don’t have to be in the office.

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It was a lot of fun when we girls made things difficult for Wee Yong, the groom, before we would open the door for him after which he would be able to claim his prize, ie. The Bride. Of course it would have been a lot more fun if Wee Yong’s “brothers” had stood by him and not chickened out during the different challenges.

Initially we were all pissed that the groom arrived almost an hour later than he should have. But on the account of the monies received from the red packet that he gave, we decided to let the case rest.

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One of the challenges that Wee Yong had to undertake was the Q & A. Our questions include:

What is Cheryl’s vital statistics?

What is Cheryl’s favourite position on bed?

Where does Cheryl like you to grab her and why?

What is her favourite phrase when you guys ….. ahem …. ?

Where is the first time you guys did it?

Basically, apart from the first question, Wee Yong got all the answers correct! *applause* And no, I won’t tell you the answers.

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All went well and we ended the customary events as scheduled. The only unfortunate event was my stomach who decided to riot on this joyous occasion, which resulted in a few unpleasant visits to the ladies. My stomach had also decided for me that there would be no alcohol during dinner.

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The bride looked gorgeous as she strode down the aisle with the groom during dinner. There was a lot of laughter and loud talking at our table. Willy and Simon decided to achieve greater heights of goofiness by engaging in crappy conversations involving pole dancing at the dinner table, stroking of each other to further affirm their not-so-heterosexual relationship, and making fun of Mata. Despite all their bullshit, I would have to give them credit for entertaining the rest of us.

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We played some games during dinner to entertain the guests and to test Wee Yong and Cheryl on how well they know each other’s body parts. Just in case you’re thinking dirty, it doesn’t involve any of their private body parts. For one of the games, we blindfolded Wee Yong and after touching the hands of a few girls, he had to guess which hand belonged to Cheryl. The funny part was Cheryl herself, asked the male banquet supervisor to join in as well. Fortunately, Wee Yong could tell that the hand belonged to that of a guy, and he retracted his own hand very quickly. Even though a lot of people were laughing at Wee Yong, I think he secretly enjoyed it. Cos’ before he gave his answer, he actually requested to touch all the girls’ hands again because he “couldn’t remember” the hands that he had touched. Anyway, he got the answer right. And I also secretly think that Cheryl had secretly hinted to him. Yes, they are a very sneaky couple which made them perfect for each other =)

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Being very “thick” guests, we refused to leave even when dinner was over. We had planned a list of games for the happy couple to engage in, but somehow the groom was whisked off to another location after all the other guests left. Disappointed but unwilling to give up, we went up to the bridal suite hoping to wreck havoc and dig out more dirty stories about Cheryl and Wee Yong. Of course that didn’t happen. Cheryl was high, but was still thinking. Damn.

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After some drinks, Mata was requested by all to put up a strip show. He appeared to oblige unwillingly. I’m not sure what the extent of his reluctance is, but he was a really good sport. And I also want to say it’s not an everyday thing to have girls cheering on for Mata to take his clothes off. So, three cheers for Mata!

Juz in case u want to know, I wasn’t sure how good Mata was at the stripping cos I was covering my eyes the whole time. I really don’t need any more traumatizing event to haunt me for the rest of my life.

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Lastly, I just want to wish Wee Yong and Cheryl a lifetime of marital bliss, joy and dirty sex. May the two of you continue your kinky pastime and produce your very own bundle of joy soon.