Monday, October 30, 2006


You remember when you were young, you would always sleep with this dirty, old pillow or blanket? I used to have a sarong for my security blanket. I travelled with it. If I didn't get to smell it or touch it when going to bed, i can't sleep. It's got this hold over me like a spell. Fortunately, I was still sane and didn't name my blanket, unlike some people.

As I grew up, my blanket started to tear and I was left with bits and pieces of it but my bedtime habit remained the same. The blanket even followed me to Aussie land. Until one time, my housemate chanced upon it and exclaimed, "What the hell is this?!"

It suddenly dawned on me that my security blanket had become a small piece of very old and ugly rag. I decided that I can't possibly spend the rest of my life holding on to that torn blanket. And from then on, I kept in my wardrobe (still didn't wanna throw it away cos the sarong was given by my late grandmother) and I do still steal a peek (and touch) once in a blue moon.

Why do we fancy our old pillows and security blankets so much?

1. Cos it brought us comfort.

2. Cos the smell is good (despite what your family/friends/spouse might say)

3. Cos it keeps us warm when we're cold.

4. Cos you've had it for too long and you can't bear to throw it away.

Does this sound familiar? Sometimes, it is not the old pillow or security blanket that you can't bear to throw away. There are times when you're in a relationship, and you're so comfortable with your partner that you think you're in love with him/her and you will spend the rest of your life together. You think that:

1. I don't want to live without him/her.

2. I trust no one else, other than him/her.

3. We laugh and joke and have fun together. It's so comfortable being with him/her.

Just like that old pillow, you feel comfortable with that special person. You can't bear to leave that person. But do you love him/her? We don't want to part with that smelly pillow/blanket, but that doesn't mean we love the pillow/blanket. We juz love the comfort that it brings.

I'm no expert, but I think you know whether you love a person or not with these signs:

For him:

1. You love the smell of her hair.

2. You love the way she laughs.

3. You whine like a baby, only in front of her.

4. When you miss her, your heart arches like it's being clenched.

5. You only want to have sex with her.

6. You think she's beautiful no matter what other people says.

7. You find yourself playing with her cats even though you're not a fan of house pets.

8. You realise that you want to protect her, always.

9. You love how she whines with you.

10. It kills you to see her cry.

For her:

1. You think he smells good even after a game of soccer.

2. You think he's damn "man" even though he's afraid of cockroaches.

3. You find him attractive, no matter what your friends say.

4. You find yourself constantly feeding his ego.

5. When you kiss him, the "current" is felt from head to toe.

6. You want to hold his hand only, and never let go.

7. You only want to be intimate with him.

8. You want to cook for him.

9. You only whine like a baby in front of him.

10. You cannot bear the thought of hurting him in any way.

Sure, the list goes on, but i'll just name these few.

Anyway, the reason why I brought it up is because I realised that I may be a security blanket for someone. A recent series of events brought me to this deduction. I shan't elaborate but it would appear to be so.

I had a discussion with Mr BF earlier and I asked him some questions, not expecting any answer. I just wanted him to think about what I said. If, in the event that he agrees with me, there might be no wedding to look forward to. Although it's kinda late to back out now because of the monetary and housing commitments, but we'll work it out somehow.

Oh, and sorry for the late of updates. Apart from my ill health, I have been too troubled to blog. Will try to update soon.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006


The haze is making me very unwell. Apart from the sore throat, running nose and fever, I have been coughing for several days.

Which means that I can't train for the half marathon in December. ARGH.

Don't tell me to run on treadmills. I rather dislike the idea of mimicking a hamster.

Will try to update soon.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Just a weekend

Had some nice relatives who came to town for the weekend. They visited my new home and commented on how nicely it's been done up. Had a nice dinner and a lot of questions were asked on the upcoming wedding - would I prefer gifts or cash, whether I have chosen my wedding gown, where we would be going for our honeymoon, etc etc etc.

So after they left, Mr BF and I were in the kitchen - he was washing some plates while I was clearing some stuff.

Me: Seems like my family's really excited about the upcoming wedding. Heh.

Mr BF: is that so?

Me: Yeah. My aunts have been trying to pick their outfit since the beginning of the year. Haha.

Mr BF: .....


Me: So it would come as quite a shock to them, if I were to call off the wedding now, eh?

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Corporate Culture

Every company has their own culture. Like in the first company I worked for, men talked suggestively and make dirty jokes. But it was really funny and entertaining. In another firm I worked for, they put sex on the table and talk about it during lunch. Generally, the shipping and logistics industry is a sleazy, corrupted and vice-full one.

So you can imagine me finding myself in a totally foreign place in my present company. Nobody talks about sex and such. Nobody talks about affairs. Their jokes are so clean. If i talk about breasts, they'll laugh loudly like they've never heard it before. If I try to suggest something remotely related to sex, they'll giggle and hush me, like it's a forbidden secret.

Why like that?!

I like talking about sex. It's a universal topic that many jokes generate from. Apart from making fun of my friends on their appearances, e.g. ugly face, big tummy, etc., this is the other thing I can tease people on. Like, I can laugh at Sian and make up stories about him using the vacuum cleaner on himself becos he wants to know what a blow job is like cos he's never had one. Or just talk about Ogre playing with his blown-up doll.

Not talking about sex = No Life

Therefore, I now resolve to bring more "Life" into my team. They need one.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

There's a first for everything



I was awakened by a ringing on my mobile. This mobile, was sponsored and bills totally paid for by Da Company. So any ringing on this mobile means bad news.

And I was right.

Apparently, I had forgotten to do something really important and the consequences were dire. In my haste to finish off other work in the office the night before(where I had stayed till 8 to complete), I had missed out on a very important task.

So there I was, panicking, with my stinking morning breath, calling my mentor and all other persons who would be in a good position to advise me on what I could do to salvage the situation. 800 metric tons of chemicals left on a vessel unable to discharge because of one person's error is no joke. The costs involved and the delay in subsequent shipments could very well get me fired.

For the first time, I screwed up really bad. At work.

But I am, after all, a person who's reaped good kharma, right?? So my mentor helped me tracked down some people, who were supposed not to be working on Saturdays, to sort things out for me. Of course, I felt bad that certain people had to rush back to their office and do extra things and rush the documents to the port when they didn't have to. And these are people I don't actually come into contact with and can't thank them for.

The issue was settled eventually, and all thanks to my lucky stars (and good kharma), there was no mentioning of this incident at work on Monday. I thought I was going to get a lot of tongue-lashing and such, but everyone was too busy to mention said matter again.

I am such a lucky person.


It was the Monday following the incident. Time for our month-end closing.

From morning all the way till 6pm, my phone never stopped ringing. I was getting calls by the seconds to chase me for documents, follow-ups and all loads of rubbish. Too many people were coming to me at the same time.

"Please arrange for LOI for this vessel. Vessel is arriving tomorrow. We must have the cargo discharged at vessel arrival."

Very Urgent.

"I just ran the report and the stock is still showing discrepancy. Please check and revert asap."


"Where is my order confirmation for tomorrow? I need to give to my transporter by today."

Very urgent.

"Can you please follow up with XXX for their product? They were supposed to lift it by end of Sept."

Very urgent.

"We must apply for CNB license by today. If not, there won't be enough time for them to process and we can't load the cargo."

Very very urgent.

How the hell am I supposed to do my work if everyone is calling me at the same bloody time telling me that what I need to do is URGENT??!!!

Everything was urgent. Or very urgent. Or very, very urgent. Fuck 'em all.

I didn't know how to prioritise. I was so lost on what to do next. In the midst of it all, I left my work station, went to the handicapped toilet, locked the door, and teared.

For the first time in my life, I cried about work.

I took a few minutes to re-collect myself and went back into the mad rush. And I worked, and worked and worked. My brain cells were burning at an accelerated rate. I packed up at 9.30pm, went home to bathe and eat, and continued working from home.

Da Company doesn't pay for my broadband service for nothing. I think I've sold my life, my energy and eventually my soul to them.

The pimples can't wait to pop. The wrinkles under my skin was dying to surface.

So, be prepared to hear more ranting. That is, if i get the chance to blog.