Friday, March 31, 2006

Virgin no more...

I was breaking out in cold sweat. All four of them were trying to pin me down. Two of them went to guard at the door to prevent my escape. They put me on a seat. There was a lot of chattering, all trying to calm me down. I couldn't do it. I wasn't mentally prepared.

After a fair bit of reassurance that it wouldn't hurt, I finally decided to get over and be done with it. After all, it appeared there was no way out.


"1,2, 3."

In it went, through my flesh, bringing along the shock that travelled through my body. It was very painful, contrary to what I was told earlier.


"Good girl! Good girl!"

"You did it!"

I was, by then, almost teary.

And from then on, my ears, are virgin no more.

Just in case you're wondering why I made such a big hoo-haa about the piercing of ears (where millions of the people on this globe had experienced), let me tell you a story; the one that explains my phobia for ear piercing.

When I was a little girl (around 6 years old), I went shopping with my mommy and when we passed by the jewellery section at OG, my mom asked me if I wanted to pierce my ears. I didn't understand what it meant, but we ended up queueing up anyway and we were the next in line. There was a little girl, my age, in front of me. After the "snap" sound, all I heard was a string of wailing and bawling. That little girl cried so loud that even now, I can still hear her scream.

That was when I told myself, that ear piercing "is very, very, very painful. I must always remember this. So that I will never pierce my ears."

Just when I thought my ears will stay virgin till the time I lay in a coffin, I decided that they need some ornamentation on the biggest day of my life. While love conquers all, vanity, conquers fear.

By the way, the people who "dragged" me into the jewellery shop was a bunch of ex-colleagues. They pacified and "tricked" me into getting it done and throughout the ten minutes we were there, they were noisy throughout, with their words of comfort, reassurance and motivation. I didn't know whether to feel grateful for their over-enthusiasm or embarrassed for the unnecessary attention they were inviting. Although I do think that they actually enjoyed putting me through the ordeal.

Needless to say, I'm never going back to the same jeweller.

On a semi-final note, I have to say that I'm pretty disappointed that none of my friends appeared to have noticed the difference in my ears. Hell, I thought I actually look a bit better. It sounds crazy, but it's true.

On a final note, please be advised that all of you, regardless of whether we're friends or foes, are welcome to buy me earrings. Price doesn't matter. Anytime. Everyday is my birthday.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006


i watched "Saw II" last weekend. Yeah, i know it's been out a few months ago but I can't keep giving my money to GV, Eng Wah or Cathay. So i watched it on VCD.

Somehow, I think the psychotic killer is briliant. Imagine designing and actually coming up with a venus-fly-trap looking lock that works on a timer and if you don't dig out the key from your own eye (which the killer implanted in) in the stipulated time, it will snap and crush your entire skull.

Absolutely brilliant.

If i am a killer who decides to punish those who doesn't treasure their lives (e.g. junkies), I would throw these people into a hole filled with syringes, so that they will keep getting jabbed while searching for the one syringe filled with the "good stuff". No wait, the killer already did that. Except instead of a syringe with heroine, he left a key at the bottom of the thousands of syringes which would unlock the escaping door for the victims.

Here's a thought: If you were to find yourself in the below situation, what would you do?

You woke up in a run-down and dirty room to find your mom and your wife/girlfriend/love of your life beside you. Both of them are chained on their wrists and ankles.

You see a tape recorder in the middle of the room and when you played it, the voice advised you that the key to unlock the chains is in the stomach of one of the women. Problem is, you don't know which one. But you do have a penknife to help you find out.

Now there is a time limit to finding the key. If you can't find the key in five minutes to unlock the other, the chain will snap, slicing away the four limbs of both women.

If you decide to sacriface one woman, and you're lucky to find the key and unlock the chain in time, the other women whose stomach you just cut open will die not just from the pain of an exposing stomach, but also severed limbs.

If you open up the stomach of one of them, and can't find the key, you're as good as killing the two of them.

Now, what would you do? Who would you choose to sacrifice?

Don't gimme that kind of crap where you say you won't save anyone of them. Bear in mind, that a woman's screams can be deafening. Not to mention two. And the heartache will leave you haunted for life.

hehe. I know im sick.

Monday, March 20, 2006

A Dry one...

I've been wrecking my brains thinking of what I want to blog about. Something that speaks my mind and is at the same time entertaining.

So I decided to post an entry about the movie I've watched last weekend, "V for Vendetta". I don't think this entry is gonna be exactly entertaining although it'll reflect my thoughts. So stop reading now if you're not interested to know what I think.

For people who hasn't watched this movie but has intention to, you also have to stop reading now cos i'll be discussing the story.

During the initial part of this political movie, I was a little baffled about V's intentions and actions. I saw him no more than just a mere terrorist. You know, The Terrorist. The one that destroys fixtures and disrupts people's lives. Just to get attention and to show the world that he doesn't like what the government is doing. Just to be a hero. And for a second, I thought the terrorists these days must have been very much motivated by such movies.

But as the plot unveils, you start to see what he was trying to tell the people. That he destroys buildings for a valid reason - Why keep the building that signifies morality and freedom when these are the two qualities missing in the governing of the country while ignoring the words of the nation? Why have a parliament that is the one responsible for outbreak of plague and diseases, killing hundreds of thousands of their people, then come up with an antidote to cure these diseases?

But you see, V could bring himself to do all these things and move the hearts of their people because he was a victim and he knew who the people responsible for the ordeal he went through are. He had first-hand encounters, which triggered the amount of despise he had for the government then. This movie also features that the media, "reports" only "news". Reports, not relate. News, not necessary the truth.

I'm not condoning the actions of the said Hero in the movie. But sometimes drastic measures juz had to be taken as a wake-up call for the others.

This brought to mind a lot of things... How I was warned a long time ago not to believe everything I read on papers... How analysts "project" economic growth just to instill confidence in their nation and attract foreign investments... How the relevant stat boards undervalue the rate of unemployment just to show that the measures they took are effective.

All these, to justify the kind of salary the people at the top are getting. To justify why they should continue to sit up there.

Of course. This is just, my opinion.

We have in place, an excellent education system where it's compulsory for all to at least go through primary education. Many young ones are no longer stopping at their 'O' levels. Many are equipped with at least a diploma. Unfortunately, we're not trained to think. To challenge the policies that we have in place. Or to ask questions. We are taught to obey. I grew up this way too. Though I'm hoping to change it now while it's not too late yet.

I was watching the "news" yesterday and quite a number of representatives from the PAP were interviewed on the upcoming election. Even Mr Goh Chok Tong came forward to pull in more votes for the PAP. Almost of them being interviewed said, "... We welcome compeition."

Strangely enough, there was no broadcast of the opposition parties being interviewed. No broadcast of the opposition parties's thoughts and feelings about what they can do for the people.

"We welcome compeition." Yeah right.

Monday, March 13, 2006

About Paraphrasing ....

You see, people never tell the truth. Particularly men. I'm sure everybody's heard of their fellow guy pals who claimed to have screwed 7 times in one night or they have super fat dicks or how they were "conned" of their virginity. But if you want the truth, you must learn the art of paraphrasing.

Last night, my friends and I were trying to dig out some dirt from one of our fellow school mates on a particular short affair that he had. We asked a lot of questions, but his answers were very un-exciting. That is, we were not getting the juicy details that we wanted even though we were pretty sure something happened. So very cleverly, we rephrased our questions and at the end of the night, everyone went home, feeling almost satisfied.

So you see, paraphrasing is an essential skill that everyone should be trained at. If you happen to have very low IQ or is retarded and has no idea what i'm toking about, here are some examples:

Normal Question:
So did anything happened between the two of you?

Rephrased Question:
So was there any skin contact?

Normal Question:
Did you guys hold hands?

Rephrased Question:
Did she hold your hand?

Normal Question:
Did you go to her house?

Rephrased Question:
Were you conned into her room?

Normal Question:
Did you two kiss?

Rephrased Question:
What did she had for dinner? or
How did her tongue taste like?

Now you gotta be very careful here, cos if you ask too directly, like "did you two french?", your friend might not be too comfortable to tell you that he did stuck his tongue inside her mouth.

Normal Question:
Did you guys do it in the car?

Rephrased Question:
Boy, the car must have been a little cramped, eh?

Normal Question:
Did you see her breasts?

Rephrased Question:
What's the colour of her bra?

Normal Question:
Did you grab her breasts?

Rephrased Question:
Did her breasts touch your hands? or
Did she rub her breasts against your hands?

Normal Question:
Did she blow you?

Rephrased Question:
So does she swallow or spit? or
Did she try to swallow your dick?

Normal Question:
Did you guys have sex?

Rephrased Question:
Did she force her pu*** around your dick?

Normal Question:
Did you guys use protection?

Rephrased Question:
What's the flavour of the condom you used?

The rephrased questions are interchangeable. Like if you wanna know if they had sex, you can also ask about the flavour of the condom.

Strategies can also be used when asking. You can ask him many questions at the same time, repeating the same questions over and over and if your friend had been lying, he wouldn't remember to tell the same lie twice once he is confused.

If you had asked a normal question first, followed by a rephrased question, contradiction in the answers would mean your friend was lying earlier. In this case, you would be able to find your friend guilty of dishonesty and sentence him to footing the bill for dinner. In this way, everybody (except the dishonest fellow) wins =)

Monday, March 06, 2006

A peek into my World

Speaking from personal experience ... when you have too much time on your hands, you must not let it be known. Otherwise, fellow bloggers will tag you to do things that they like. Like this meme:

btw, how do u pronounce "meme"? Is it "mee-mee", or "min" or "mine", or "big nuts"? I have absolutely no idea.

Seven dreams before death:

1. Get a body like Cameron Diaz.

I'm not sure why, but I juz think her body looks fantastic, given the amount of ice-cream she eats.

2. Become a millionaire

Which won't be long, since I now buy TOTO every week.

3. Snip off Barney's tail

I have this unexplainable urge to inflict pain on that purple thing. Not sure why though.

4. Visit Disneyland USA again.

Fyi, Disneyland is not for kids only. In fact, most of the rides are catered for adults' pleasures.

5. Become a man for one day

I'll get to scratch my balls, grab boobs, get lotsa blow-jobs and be an absolute bastard. Then i'll understand why men enjoy being men.

6. Be a pole-dancer for a day

I think pole-dancers are damn sexy, can?

7. Have an affair with xx

Sorry, it's a secret fantasy so no divulging of xx's identity. Smart alecks out there (namely
Ogre), stop guessing. You're wrong.

Seven things I can't do at this lifetime

1. Get a body like Cameron Diaz

Who am i kiddin'? No way can I ever get a body like that. I juz had two ice-creams yesterday. Fuck.

2. Become a millionaire

I think the chances of 0.00000000001% is equivalent to 0%. Fuck.

3. Snip off Barney's tail

I can't find a pair of scissors big enough to cut through Barney's very thick and useless tail. So I think I will settle for pulling out his toe nails one by one.

4. Visit Disneyland USA again

If I become a millionaire, then I'll visit Disneyland USA again. But as my chances of becoming a millionaire is 0% (refer to pt 2), I will likely not be able to visit Disneyland USA again. Fuck.

5. Become a man for a day

I realise that unless I go for an awfully expensive sex change operation, I would not be able to fulfil this dream. And it can be done only if I become a millionaire. So that I can change back to a woman the very next day.

And I don't want to be a bastard for life.

6. Be a pole-dancer for a day

I don't have the body. I don't have the skills. I'm very likely to break my neck, while squishing my left cheek while learning. And I'm very clumsy.


7. Have an affair with xx

No way that can ever happen. No way.

I'm saying this becos some of Mr Bf's friends read my blog. wahahahawahahahahah .....

Seven things that attract me:

1. Smell of Famous Amos's cookies

Fug. I'm such a glutton. No wonder I can never have a body like Cameron Diaz.

2. Tight asses of soccer-playing guys


btw, Mr BF has an ass like that =)))))

3. Dogs & Puppies

Aww ....

Look at them! So damn bloody cute! Who wouldn't be attracted to them?

4. A sense of humour

Always gets my attention.

5. The clanking of mahjong tiles

Particularly at odd hours of the day/night. Damn, some people really don't have to work.

6. People with lots of energy

Makes me feel energetic as well.

7. Guys with dimples


Seven things I say:

1. Fuck

2. Damn bloody / Damn it

3. What?!

4. Wah lau

5. Kaoz.

6. Yeah rite.

7. KNN.

wow, my vocabulary sure is limited.

Seven books that I love:

books? what books?!

hehe. Kidding.

1. Teenage Textbook / Workbook

Brought me a lot of entertainment throughout assembly and chapel services during my secondary school days.

2. Adrian Mole

Very, very funny. You should all go read it.

3. Merchant of Venice by Shakespeare

Seriously. Mainly because this was one of the books I had to study for my Os Literature exam. And I kept feeling sorry for Shylock.

4. Spell Bound by Christopher Pike

The story's about how the souls of a girl and a vulture were switched. Yeah, i like twisted stories like that.

5. Doraemon comics

I think Doraemon is the only cat that I really like.

6. How to have mind-blowing sex

hehe. I'm kiddin' of course ....

7. That book written by that author whose name I can't remember that well

Seven movies that I love:

1. Coyote Ugly

Bin: Heh ... I also like this show a lot.

2. The Exorcist

The most frightening movie ever.

3. Underworld

I juz luv the crap about vampires and werewolves. Although I think vampires are so much cooler.

4. The Hot Chick

Rob Schneider's expression as a girl is simply hilarious!

5. Tale of two sisters

A nice twist to the ending with a very touching story.

6. Troy

Because I luvvv hunky Brad Pitt.

Bin: It's Brad Pitt, and not arm pitt okay?!

7. Titanic

haha! Gotcha!

7. Almost all of Stephen Chow's movies

Seven tags:

hah! My turn to tag! All of you who are tagged but do not do so will be cursed with:

a) swollen and painful balls; or

b) deflated and saggy breasts; or

c) rotting fingers; or

d) all of the above

1) Barney

2) Green Ogre

3) Ang Ku Kueh (your curse will take a longer time to surface cos i know you're very busy so I give you more time)

4) Nadnut

5) Ensui

6) Big banana

Ensui: Can you get the big banana to update? He has been damn lazy!

7) Zhe Bin - Can you be tagged again?? hahahahah .....

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Today we will talk about Marketing
(dedicated to Barney who is now buried in marketing notes. I think.)

As usual, I was doing nothing much and i saw this pamphlet on my table.

Why did she get the guy to feed her? He doesn't have much looks.

Why did she not put it on herself so that he can eat it off her?

Why is studying with so many textbooks considered a form of "Joy"?

I mean, if Pizza Hut wants consumers to celebrate our "joy" with their pizzas, I think they should use a more realistic picture. Like:

Oooh yeah ...

Okay, this is a badly done picture but you get the idea. Most people are hungry after some good action anyway, so you may as well use the opportunity to promote some sinful pizzas, along with some healthy fruits.

Pizzas (or any other food for that matter) can also be marketed like this:

Don't worry, our value meals are very affordable.

You see, human beings tend to value people/food/dogs/cigarettes that have gone through thick and thin with them. So this picture can be used as a marketing tactic to instill customer loyalty!

Wow. I am sooo brilliant. And i didn't even major in marketing. *very smart grin*




I think I have too much time on my hands.

Please send me some pizzas so that I will shut up.