Monday, April 30, 2007

Meet your Maker

At any point in life, anyone that I've come across would tell me that the best way to die, or rather the way they prefer to die, is to die in their sleep. Yes, that would, indeed be the most painless way to go. But what if you don't earn enough good kharma points for that to happen?

So if you have to, IF you have to, which way of dying would you choose?

1) Drowning

Either in your own bath tub or in a swimming pool. You'll struggle for a few minutes before you'll lose consciousness.

2) Dying of cancer

It's painful and long, but knowing that you'll gonna die, chances are you'll have enough time to finish your unfulfilled wishes and spend as much time as possible with your loved ones.

3) Freak accident

It would happen so fast that you wouldn't know it's happening. If you die on the spot, it'll be pretty painless I guess.

4) Jumping off your flat

This would classify as suicide, cos otherwise, it would be classed as freak accident. Takes a hell lot of courage though. But you make the choice, and it'll be quick, though, it might be painful for a few seconds before u die.

5) Striked by lightning

Although such things only happen to people who's been evil to their parents or something. Or to people who are very suay, e.g. Sian.

6) Stabbed by a robber

Very painful and dulan. Doubt anyone will choose this method.

hehe .... the things I think of and blog about when i'm bored =p Please bear with me.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007


The bedsheet that I hung outside the window was stained with some stale or rotten curry/chilli. Apparently, some bastard who lived upstairs conveniently threw some bloody leftovers or rotten food out of the window and one of my favourite bedsheets was unfortunate enough to be tarnished by this thoughtless act.

I soaked it in detergent, hoping it would be easier to clean off. Not only are the stains difficult to be cleaned off, it smells damn bad. Even after two days, it still smells like i've dumped the entire pot of rotten food in my toilet. FUCK.

For the first time in my blog, i just wanna say...


I hope that inconsiderate prick get his face scalded by his next pot of stinking curry.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Mmmm .....

When I was young and enjoyed reading fashion magazines, I would always wonder what it means to have an orgasm whenever I came across this word. You read about it so much in magazines or through online means, but how many has actually experienced it? What does multiple orgasms mean? How does it happen?

Now that I am grown up and more experienced (ahem!), I would like to share my knowledge with everyone else (well, not everyone else but you people who read this blog).

The behaviour:

1) Panting (taking very short breaths) or holding your breath

2) Grabbing (anything around you)

3) Noise (which will in turn bring you to point no. 2 when you are not in an environment where you can make a lot of noise)

The physical:

1) Body-bending (not the kind you do in gymnastics)

2) Lip-biting

3) Shutting of eyes or opening your eyes widely

4) Tilting of pelvis

The emotions:

1) You feel such an overwhelming high that you know you'll never need drugs. Ever.

2) You forget where you are

3) Those who ring your mobile at this time automatically goes into your hate-list.

4) You feel closer emotionally to the other party

The after-effects:

1) Giddiness

2) Relaxed and Drowsiness

3) Thirst (from the panting)

Of course, the above just applies to me. Needn't necessary be the same for every girl.

Just imagine going through the above over and over and over again ......

Multiple orgasms. One of the natural wonders of the world.

Oh, I do feel sorry for the opposite sex who gets to experience only once at a time. But God is fair, you know? This brings me to a joke that I read quite a long time ago:

So, God had created Adam and Eve and he was rummaging through his bag to see if he had missed out anything to give to both of them.

Then he held out a piece of flesh, approximately 3 inches long, wondering who he should give this to. Then Adam cried out, "Oh God! Please give this to me! It would look so good on my body and make me so much more manly and different from Eve. Please God! Please!"

Eve, being a woman (and thus, having a more giving nature), said "Please, God. Since Adam wants it so much, please give it to him."

And so, God gave Adam the piece of flesh which he attached on the lower half of his body. But God thought, "But it would be unfair to Eve if I don't give her something additional."

So God began rummaging through his bag .... "Ok, let's see what do I have here..... Hmm .... Multiple orgasms...."

I just love this joke =)


By the way, I would love it if some guys can share with me what their orgasms feel like.

And I don't mean you, Sian. Eating KFC is not equivalent to getting orgasms.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

What you ought to know

(Do not continue reading if you're below 18 and that means you, Yiks)

Dear Aunt Agony

My parents just told me they're getting a divorce. But I don't want them to be separated. What can I do?

Sad Boy

Dear Sad Boy

When parents get divorced, the one thing they're afraid of (apart from unfair allocation of assets and money) is their child getting hurt through this process. Because of this, they will shower more love and concern on you. Which means that you will be getting the right to asking for more allowances to make up for the trauma ==> richer

The halving of parental control also mean that you will be getting more freedom. Which means that you will get to hang out a lot more at malls or arcades after school, and maybe even playing traunt. If your parents scold you, you can turn the tables back on them saying they did this to you ==> justification of becoming a brat.

You should be getting ready to enjoy your life =)

Dear Aunt Agony

My boyfriend asked me to give him a blow job, but I refused. I'm afraid he would leave me. What should I do?


Dear Non-blower

If your reason for not wanting to give him a blow job, is because you think it's too dirty, juz go give it a wash. After that, you can take this chance to brush up on what I consider to be one of the most important skills in life.

I have no advice for moral-related reasons.

Dear Aunt Agony

I love playing with my girlfriend's tits. Wy do i love her tits so much?


Dear Tits Lover

Because they're soft and squeezable, and becos you don't have them.

Dear Aunt Agony

How can I make my dick longer?

Short Dick

Dear Short Dick

You're getting it wrong. A long dick doesn't make any difference. A thick dick does.

From my experience, hornier guys have bigger dicks. So make yourself more horny and wank everyday. The movements will help you with size without incurring extra costs.

Dear Aunt Agony

I have exceptionally small breasts, but my boyfriend said size doesn't matter. Is that true?


Dear Confused

Of course not. He said that only to get you into bed. I bet he's sleeping with another girl now.

Dear Aunt Agony

My teacher is a very nice man. But he likes to touch me on my shoulders or my inner thighs, or accidentally slides his hand over my behind when he talks to me. Yesterday, he asked me to go over to his home so that he can give me more personalised tuition in a much more comfortable environment. What should I do?


Dear Adrian

Congratulations. You now have a higher chance of scoring better in school and having your G-spot (situated inside your anus) stimulated. Most guys I know don't get such an opportunity. Go ahead to get that personalised tuition.

Dear Aunt Agony

Recently, a friend of mine was invited to watch a very expensive musical by a gorgeous babe. He is much uglier than me, while I also have a much bigger dick. Why do I not get such offers from gorgeous girls?


Dear Pissed

You may have a bigger dick, but are you a dick in person? Remember that the bad guys get all the girls. Learn to be more stingy, inconsiderate, and mould yourself into an asshole (not literally). That way, you'll get all the girls no matter how you look.

Dear Aunt Agony

I've been feeling very miserable ever since I broke up with my boyfriend. I'm so hurt that I feel like dying. What should I do?


Dear Depressed

Well, there are a lot of cures for this. Ecstasy pills or marijuana can help you. If you don't have the cash, try taking a lot of cough syrup.

Dear Aunt Agony

My mommy said that pre-marital sex will send me straight to hell. Is this true?

Choo Choo

Dear Choo Choo

If this is true, I would have gained permanent residency in hell. But I'm still here, ain't I?

By the way, you have an ugly name.

Aunt Agony runs the Q&A column in Pre-teens magazine.