Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Let Go

A dear old friend just returned from down under, and a few of us met up for coffee.

I realised then, that it has been really long, since it was just us. No spouses or partners. Just the gang that used to get together to hang out at void decks, coffeeshops, or over at Ogre's home playing mahjong.

For a while, I have been wondering if there will be times again when us friends just hang out, without the partners. I think the partners are fine; but your friends never behave quite the way they are when their partners are around (no matter how they argued they always behave in the exact same manner even with the spouses around).

With almost all my friends already settled down, I guess there will really come a time when I have to bid goodbye to the once funny acts that never failed to make me laugh.

Maybe I am quite reluctant to let it go, that's why I have been making new, single and young friends from work and DB.

Maybe it's time to move on.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Mountain out of mole hill

I sent an email to a counterpart in Australia this morning asking for some clarifications and that person forwarded my mail to someone else sitting in my office, 2 aisles from me. If I could get my answer from the someone else, I would just walk over to his table. Why would I bother to send the email to someone who is on a 3-hour time difference, only to have her forward the email to someone whom i can get to within seconds?

Somehow, a clarification that I asked ballooned into something bigger and "someone else" walked over to one of my teammates and began discussing the issue with him. After their discussion, teammate walked over and appeared quite pissed. He told me that if I want any clarification on such matters, I should go to him first.

I had no idea what discussion went on. I asked 2 very simple questions, because Australia wasn't clear in her email.

Teammate is a guy in his fifties, who had just moved from USA. He's the other smoker in this office (yeah, 2 out of 80+ people), and we usually get along just fine. I didn't understand the "confrontation", but thought if I run into him during one of the smoking breaks, I could clarify. Just to be sure, I consulted my team lead on my email and whether it was unclear or could have led to any misunderstanding.

"No, your email is very clear."

So I went down to have my smoke and thought I'll clarify with him after he has cooled down. When I returned, I saw team lead at teammate's table and they were obviously discussing the issue earlier.

Went back to table and continue my work. Team lead then came back to her desk and drop me a message via MSN.

"I'm sorry I went ahead to ask XX about this, but I really cannot tahan not asking him about this."

Thanks, and now, I feel like a baby. Who has to go crying to mother whenever she is bullied because she cannot stand up for herself.

Teammate came over to apologise for snapping at me but he was really pissed that he got thrown a pile of bloody spreadsheet with all the wrong data and just when he's trying to clear things up, people started asking questions on why he is not updating the spreadsheet with accurate information. The truth is, I feel bad for him. It's like he's got this load of shit thrown on him because someone else doesn't want to do this shit and this is not what he signed up for in the first place.

"If i had known I'd be doing this, I wouldn't have taken this job."

And he was right. That spreadsheet is rubbish and because our global leaders had lost the fight against other teams on the accountability of maintaining this spreadsheet, the people at the bottom gotta take the shit.

I figured all this out while I was taking my smoke, and I wasn't sore or anything. And I meant to explain to him that I wasn't questioning the integrity of the data, just wanted some clarification. It was like, "is it 1, or 2?" kind of clarification (which could have been answered by Australia). Yet, my team lead had to beat me to it.

Not the first time I was treated like a baby.

At what point, do I tell said team lead that I can very well stand up for myself?

She's trying very hard to "protect" her team, but in the process of doing so, undermine the fact that we are all adults here and can very well settle our problem.

I wonder if this is because she thinks I can't handle it. But I can. I really can.

Oh well.