Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Right/Wrong Questions/Answers

Sian posted an entry about the right answers to the wrong questions, but I think he didn't elaborate enough. Well, i'm not surprised, given that brain of his. So being a very good friend, I 'll add on to his pathetic entry with illustrations of the kind of shit you'll be facing with your "wrong" answers.

Difficult Question #01: Am I fat?

While the correct answer is No, I must add that guys must answer this question like it's a reflex (such as blinking your eyes when dust gets in) ==> +5 points

Or another way to score, is to look into her eyes for 1.2 seconds, frown a little and say, "NO. Why would you ever think that?" ==> +10 points.

If you hesitate before you answer, and you answer NO ==> -15 points (becos you hesitated, so it means you're lying)

If you look her up and down before you answer, and you answer NO ==> -5 points (becos you're supposed to know her body so well that you should know whether she is fat or not when she asks you)

Difficult Question #02: That girl is very pretty right?

Note that this question is the same as, "Is your Ex pretty?"

"Nay, not really." ==> no extra points (it is expected of you to answer like this)

"Compared to you? No way." ==> either +10 points (cos she will think that you really feel that she is much more prettier than That Girl) or -10 points (cos she will think that you really feel that girl is really pretty, juz not prettier than her). Well, there are all sorts of risks in life.

*Look at her in a puzzled manner* "What girl??" ==> +30 points. For obvious reasons.

On the other hand, if you say:

"Ok lah." ==> -10 points (cos you think she is pretty but don't wanna admit it)

"Yeah." ==> -105 points (and she will sulk for the rest of the night)

"Are you kidding? She's gorgeous." ==> -800 points (and you need to spend the next one year pacifying her).

Difficult Question #03: If me and your mum fall into the ocean, who will you rescue huh?

Personally, i hate this question and i don't think any self-respecting girl should ever ask your guy that.

"You" ==> +5 points

"You, of course" or "You, without a doubt" ==> +20 points

"My mom" ==> -30 points

"My mom, of course" ==> -150 points

Oh, and just so you know, when such questions are asked, girls expect to be answered in very serious manner cos these are supposed to be serious questions.

If you answer with a laugh saying she must be joking and such, ==> - 80 points (cos you dont take her seriously.)

Yeah, it's tough being a guy. But it's no piece of cake being a woman either. More of that next time.

Friday, January 19, 2007


My company launched a particular exercise today where everyone on my floor all has to work from home.

This is just so in the event that our office gets bombed by terrorists, business can still proceed as usual.

So i stayed up late last nite playing games, and slept until 8.45am this morning. Woke up to log on and went back to bed till 11 plus. There was a pile work to be done by then, but i managed to finish all while also doing the laundry, housework and buying groceries.

It was a day very much made good use of. If only we can work from home perpetually.

Somtimes I secretly wish somebody would just bomb my entire office building.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Insanity on its way

You know, crazy people, or rather, people who are not very sane tend to laugh to themselves.

I always wonder what is so funny?

And I got my answer today.


The morning started with mad rush, as usual, and when I thought it was going to be a fine day ahead (despite the crazy amount of work cos I felt I've gone accustomed to it), I got a phone call from a giant-ass customer today asking me why they've not received their orders. This customer, is in the drug industry and their orders are a huge deal and each delivery must arrive at their premises at 9.30am in the morning each time. It was already 10.20am when they phoned me up.

So I told then I'll check of course, although I already sensed that bad news was coming up.

Before I decided to yell at our vendor, I went into my company's big-ass complicated system and realised that their order had been blocked when they placed it on Friday, and I, had overloooked on unblocking it.

Which means, our vendor did not receive the order, and therefore no delivery.

Suddenly, my hands went cold, thinking of what would happen from here.

You see, had it been any other customer (except for those in the drug industry of course), it would have been fine. We'll just try to see if we could get our other vendors to make a last minute delivery.

But this vendor is particularly fussy and would only accept cargo that had been delivered by this particular transport company becos of ISO thingy, and blah blah blah bullshit. And i know it's nearly impossible to ask this vendor to do a last minute delivery cos a) it's a Monday which means it's mad rush to stock up at every other giant-ass company and vendor's schedule would be packed, and b) their equipment would have been used up.

In addition, becos this customer is so big-fat-ass (i can't stress that enough), they need to run production everyday and our inability to deliver as ordered could very well result in a shut-down in their production lines. Which means my overlook on my job can cause my customer a lot of money.

Thankfully, I have always restrained myself from yelling at said vendor even when they screw up because i know one of these days, i would need favours from them.

So I spoke to vendor coordinater and asked for afternoon deliveries to giant-ass customer and he tried (i'm giving him the benefit of doubt here, cos I really dont know if he really tried) to schedule an afternoon delivery for one load of order. My customer ordered 2 loads but coordinater insisted there was no way they would schedule another delivery. I had to phone up vendor's director and explained my situation to him and get him to help.

He managed to schedule one more load of delivery for me but all the deliveries will come in the late afternoon. My customer insisted that all deliveries must arrive latest by 4pm, but it looked like the second delivery wasn't gonna make it.

So my whole morning, up till lunch time, was spent making phone calls to customer, apologising, and to the vendor, pushing them to deliver before deadline. I lost my entire appetite for lunch by the way.

Then in the afternoon, every now and then, I would call up our plant to check if the vendor has arrived to collect the order so that I would know what would be the best time to advise my customer when the order would arrive. It's sort of a good customer service thingy to keep your customer updated when you screwed up their order. Hah. Talk about irony.

The second load finally left our plant at 4.10pm (even though they were supposed to arrive at 2.45pm so that they could leave around 3.30pm but what the hell). I left a voice message on customer's phone (which I did feel a bit thankful that she wasn't around to pick up the phone) that the order would be late by around 15min. After all, it doesn't take long to travel from Pandan to Tuas, does it?

So, the whole day was crazed, with endless adrenaline pumping throughout (I had other crazy situations with other customers at the same time).

I looked at my watch at 5pm, and my phone had stopped ringing.

No News is good news.

So I guess the order was delivered, somewhat late, but my customer had made do nonetheless, and it's case closed. The day is finally over.

I was about to shut down my PC at 5.35pm when giant-ass customer called.

"Eh! It's already 5.30pm and the second load hasn't arrived! Can you please go check with xxx (vendor)?"

Then she went on about how they could not accept late deliveries and people had to be specially engaged to stay for overtime to receive the cargo and do a sample testing before the parcel can be poured into their tank. Oh, it's liquid chemicals I'm talking about. And blah blah blah.

So, i had to call up the vendor and have them checked and they replied that it would be delivered within the next 5 minutes. I demanded to know the reason for the long travelling time, and person on the phone said in a most nonchalant manner ... "oh .... I think ... the driver was driving slowly lah..."

I nearly had a heart attack.

1) they knew this was a very very rush order and there is no cause for driving slowly

2) This is a damn bloody stupid excuse.

I made person-on-the-phone call up the driver again to enquire why the delivery was so late. He called up several minutes later and said, the truck had a punctured tyre.

I had no idea why, but at this comment, I burst out laughing.

Person-on-the-phone tried to convince me further by saying, "No no, this is original. I'm not bluffing you."

I laughed even more. Whether to believe him or not didn't matter. I mean, I needn't keep my customer waiting and could have come up with this story myself.

I didn't think my customer would buy this story, but she did. Then of course, she went on to tell me about their SOPs and blah blah blah. Oh, but she didn't yell at me. Thank god for that. I hate to be yelled at.


So i realised that insane people don't laugh because it's funny. Maybe they experienced just so many shocks within one day or a short period of time that the big vein in their head had popped and laughing is just a way to express it. Better than crying though.

I'm not saying I'm mad.

I'm juz saying im on my way to insanity.

So, how was your Monday?

p.s. To those sons of bitches and assholes and bastards who thought I had died from the food poisoning, I am still very well alive and kicking. And i'm gonna kick all your lousy arses one of these days.

Sunday, January 07, 2007


I'm now in a lot of pain and discomfort.

My tummy has been hurting badly and despite crawling to the clinic at 2am last nite and getting poked by one of my most feared objects (needles), I am still not well.

Spoke to a friend about my predicament, and he commented that I probably shouldn't go to work tomorrow. I insisted that i must go to work, cos there was something that I had forgotten to do on Thursday and I must go to office to get it done.

"Adrenaline, it's just work, you know?"

Then I realised that I have been too obssessed with work.

The only thing that's on my mind when I'm crouching on my sofa is how I wouldn't be able to complete the work that I've left outstanding.

The strange thing is, I have been all about work-life-balance throughout my life. "Work hard, play hard" has always been my philosophy.

Maybe it's been too much of playing hard and not working hard enough, and my kharma is catching up with me.

And i don't know why I'm still on blogger.

Okay, i gotta head to the clinic now. Will update once I'm well (hopefully in 24 hours).

Friday, January 05, 2007

2nd Marriage?

A few years back, I went to a fortune teller or someone of that sort, to have my fortune told.

Actually, I don't really care about what would happen in the future. It just comes, good or bad, you take it as it is. That's life. I went just for fun, cos even though I've had a lot of shit in my life, I just know that I would have a good life ahead. A good life, meaning, I needn't necessarily be rich or have everything, but simply, I'll be a happy person.

Anyway, one thing that this person told me was, I would have two marriages in my life.

While it didn't bother me that much, I distinctly recalled someone with a similar background (fortune-telling ability) telling me the same thing before.

I went home that day and told my mom what happened. I was expecting her to respond with something to the effect of, "Aiyah! What rubbish!". But she didn't. She just kept quiet.

After a long pause, she said to me ... "Sometimes two marriages needn't necessarily mean that you find another person as a husband. Some couples, in the beginning years of a marriage, find a lot of difficulty living with each other to the extent that they almost split up. But instead of doing so, they find help or ways to learn to accommodate and re-love each other. That, is also the beginning of a new marriage. And that, could be the second marriage he (the fortune teller) was talking about."

It was one of those few times that I found my mom to be so wise. Usually, I was the one giving her advice on things to do (e.g. stop stuffing her wardrobe with new clothes that she doesn't get to wear often), or things not to do (e.g. gossiping) and acting as her pillar of support. But wisdom do come with age and life experiences, and her theory of the second marriage thingy proves this point well. (Although I did secretly play with the thought that she said this so that I would end up marrying Mr BF whom she simply adores).

Three cheers to my mother. She may not have been perfect, but she really is the best mom for me.