The Big Quit Smoking Campaign

A few years back, a few buddies from work and I decided that we want to quit smoking together. And we decided that the first working day of the year 2001 would be a great time to do that.

Morning passed by slowly and I felt extremely lousy. No puff after my breakfast. Which means no pooping. And I felt like I was constipating. PUI!

Lunch was worse. Most of us didn't eat during lunch for different reasons and we used to end up juz smoking. It was like PSI 100 at the corner of the kopitiam where we sat in. So with no cigarettes, there was better air, food became more tasty but we were all in too foul a mood to realise any of that. I don't even want to start on the "no cigarette after my meal" thing.

The final straw came in the late afternoon. I was restless and my mood was switching between ecstasy and fuggin' pissed off. One moment, I was laughing like a bloody hyena and another moment, I looked like I was about to stab the guy that borrowed my pencil. At one point, I was laughing to a very lame joke by a co-worker that I almost knelt down while leaning against the chair of another colleague. My buddy realised that I was hysterical and she did what she had to do - She helped me up and said, "Come come, it's time for your medication."

4.30pm. I had my first puff for the day. Man, it was good.

So for the years to come, I decided that Quit Smoking would not be on my list of New Year Resolutions. I don't wanna be fugging kiddin' myself.

But earlier this year, my BF and i thought we could quit smoking together. I managed to stop for 4 days straight (hooray!). During these four days though, it was a torment having to listen to the two voices in my head.


The white one with the halo :

1. If you quit smoking, you would not age so easily. That is, you won't have wrinkled skin and saggy cheeks by the time you're 30.

2. Your teeth will not continue down the road of irrepairable yellow tobacco staining.

3. Your stamina will be better and you will lose weight faster!

4. No fear of your mom finding out that you're still a puffer.

5. You'll be more desirable if you don't smoke and don't reek of burnt tobacco leaves.

She said a lot more, but I don't seem to remember .....


The red one with the horns said:

1. If you don't smoke, you won't be able to join your buddies for smoke breaks. Which is the best time to bitch about assholes in the company.

2. It's juz one stick! After this stick, you can quit. *yeah rite! muahahhah!!*

3. Remember u'll be a lot less patient to wait for people if you can't light up while waiting. Which means you'll end up pissed more often. And you'll age more easily if you're often pissed.

4. Then you can no longer use cigarettes to keep annoying buayas at bay when you're clubbing.

5. What are you gonna do when you're upset?! Remember the late nights that you spend puffing away when the man you love left you?

6. You know you want it.

7. C'mon, do you need more reasons than this?

Meanwhile, the white one with the halo's trying to fight the red one with the horns by throwing little punches at the latter. But she doesn't have a giant fork. And we know who has a Giant fork. And so, we know who won the fight. *shrugs*