Too little alcohol ...

A good friend of mine, Pinky*, decided to walk down the red carpet with a goofy man that she met a few years ago. To “celebrate” her loss of singlehood, a few of us girls decided to bring her on a night out to have lotsa fun so that it will stay as a wonderful memory for her. Being the one who is most free in the office these days, I picked up the role of the main co-ordinator and liaison person. This was juz as well; i could get back at her for the embarrassment that she put me through, a week ago, for my birthday celebration.

*evil laughter in the background*

Dinner

Dinner was great. We went to a nice French restaurant where the chef (aka Naked Chef) is the sex partner, I mean boyfriend, of one of our girls, Pixie*.

PR time: Naked chef appeared on the Business Times for being such a fantastic chef with good looks. Hee …

Anyway, we were spoiled with oysters, beef cheeks, goose livers, seafood pasta, champagne, white wine and not forgetting the oh-so-delicious-yet-so-sinful mudpie. Of course I only had the pasta and the mudpie since I don't eat beef, or any part of the cow. And I don't eat oysters either. Due to time constraints resulting from bad time management, Pixie and I had to finish our food really quickly so that we can proceed to her place to meet up with the stripper first. To digress a little, most of you reading this will probably think I was late for dinner causing the entire program to be delayed. Well, this time, it wasn’t me. And for once, I was the first one there and was 10 mins early!

*applause in the background (all mine)*

All the rest of the girls were more than half hour late though. Damn.

The Meet Up

The stripper arrived at Pixie’s place before I did and I had him waiting at the lift lobby. I had such a shock when the lift door opened.

You see, last year, I was also at a hen party but in a hotel celebrating one of my girlfriends marrying a Korean. Actually, I was mourning for her choice, but never mind…. Anyway, we got a stripper from a certain agency. When he came out from the dressing room, we were all shocked. He was shorter than me (bear in mind, I don’t have much height), and he looked like he was sixteen. Throughout the show, he didn’t dance much and mainly try to “seduce” us girls by swaying his butt in front of our face. Which goes to show he obviously doesn’t know women. BUT, he did have a fantastic body – a boyish face, six-pack and a really, really tight arse. In spite of all this, the show was so lame that when I was searching for a stripper for Pinky’s party, I made sure no one had tried calling the same agency.

So you can imagine my shock, when I saw the same stripper, standing at the lift lobby.

Except this time, he no longer had a boyish face. In fact, he looked like he’s the very much older brother of the little stripper we had the other time.

“Kaoz, how can it be possible?! He can’t possible work for ALL the agencies in Singapore, can he?!”

Well, maybe he can. Anyway, I had him get ready in the room and I was still toying with the thought that this COULD be the elder brother, and he COULD be a lot more entertaining …. Blah blah blah … When the show started, I knew it was the same guy cos he was wearing the same silver pants, same white t-shirt and he had the same mask on his face. I juz don’t get how he had managed to age so much in a year. Oh, and the six-pack was missing.

But this time, he did try to do a bit more dance and despite the high humidity in the room (which got him really sweaty), he kept on smiling and kept up with the dance. Pinky was a real sport though. She tried to keep up with the atmosphere and did the challenges that we had in line for her. Like biting the mashmellows out of the stripper’s briefs without using her hands. Boy, I wouldn’t have done it. He was really sweating by then. But Pinky kept on going …..

“Oei, you got bathe one or not?!”

“You don’t keep shaking your butt lah! Very difficult for me to eat the mash mellow leh!”

“wah lau eh …… *shudders*”

And erm, she was obviously yelling when she made those remarks.

Wanna spank me?

After leaving Pixie’s place, Pinky had to fulfill one challenge before we set off for the club. Juz so you know, we made her a red sash (thanks to water lily) from a table cloth. And we printed a couple of “tags” to be clipped on to the sash.

“Wanna spank me?”

“Come spank me, darling!”

So, the challenge for Pinky was to “go around and ask for the spanks that you well deserved.”

And she did.

And it was fun and hilarious. For the rest of us.

More spanking coming up ….

We proceeded on to the Nun Bar (Pinky likes it there) and after some shots of tequila, she was called to go on stage. The DJs seemed very keen to spank her. I was keen too; you should have seen the way she sluttily perked up her ass while leaning forward slightly. Goofy is such a lucky man =)

But unluckily for Pinky, instead of calling up a gorgeous guy (whom may well be the last sex she’ll ever have), the DJs called up a man, almost twice her height, thrice her size. His spank was ….. loud and right on the jack pot. Pinky came off the stage looking a little shaken.

The lap dance

Pinky was challenged to give a lap dance to any guy that she wanted. She picked a Caucasian twice her height (what’s with her and tall guys?). When we wanted him to sit down while she danced, he immediately sat down, on the dance floor. If there was a stampede, he would have been stomped to death.

I think Pinky enjoyed the dance as much as he did. Hee …. Partly also because he was good looking. Sssh … don’t tell goofy.

It’s all about rubber and whipped cream

“Find two guys, have them each blow up a condom. Smear the condoms with whipped cream and licked it off together.”

Pinky managed to con only one guy into doing this though. She might have gotten two if she had more boobs. It was my fault really; I should have reminded her to wear her super push-ups.

Too much alcohol

So you can imagine it was tequila, tequila and tequila the whole night. All in shots. Being such a lousy drinker, I would have knocked out before midnight. But I am a responsible and considerate person (ahem!), so I decided that I can’t drink and drive (also because it’s a Friday night, and the traffics cops are all ready to rob me of my license if I’m caught drink-driving). So for every shot that I had, 90% of it went behind my shoulder. Too bad for the poor fellow behind me though.

So it really was too little alcohol for me.

Anyway, Pinky was drinking really a lot due to the many toasts though she did manage to remain sober. Later in the night, came a flaming Lamborghini and after downing it, Pinky disappeared for a while. But we kept on dancing :P

It was until I saw Pinky heading for the direction of the washroom that I followed her.

“Pinky can’t be drunk, she holds her drink really well!”

That was what I thought, until I saw her putting her head into the trash bin. Out came an odour so strong that I wanted to run out juz so I can breathe. After all, she had other girls with her then. But I didn’t. I stayed on, juz to give her some …. well … moral support?

Anyway, being totally knocked out, Pinky had to be dragged into the car and water Lily was entrusted with the task of sending her home. Meanwhile, Vanilla*,one of my best friends, who came to join the party, also got herself drunk.

Oh man, another drunkard.

*All names have been changed to protect the identities of the peoples listed here.