A disturbing fairy tale

Once upon a time, I had this friend.

He was irritating, told a lot of lame jokes and had never been kissed. For obvious reasons of course.

He worried day in and out about not losing his virginity until the day he dies. Well, he should be.

Then one day, he met his dream girl while doing his internship.

She certainly fulfilled his criteria in every way:

1) Shops at This Fashion

I'm not exactly sure if this girl shopped at This Fashion, but her clothes certainly did suggest that.

2) Must be stingy

Considering the fact that she had never bought me or any one of us any presents, I take it that she's stingy.

3) Must not smoke, drink, gamble or go to gigolos.

Oh, her religion forbids her to engage in the above acts.

4) Love Fast Food

I have never seen her in a fast food joint, but her overwhelming body strongly suggested that she is a huge fan of fast food joints. Really. She was like a walking burger. Except not enticing, nor delicious.

5) Enjoy the little things in life

She was appreciative of butts. As in asses. So much, that after she fell out of love with Ricky Martin, she became in luv with said friend's butt. To say that she was obssessed with his butt would be an understatement.

And becos this friend of mine loves epilating, it thrilled him very much that the enormous amount of hair on her head (and probably other parts of her body) was able to cater to this fettish. On top of that, he was very much drawn by her "scent".

As days passed, they couldn't resist flirting with each other and throwing one another horny looks. Given my above description of this "dream girl", it is no wonder that she was a virgin too. In fact, the two of them started flirting outrageously with each other (without much physical contact though, cos her religion forbids it). So much that the rest of us started having nightmares.

But to said friend, she was a god-send.

They would have lived happily ever after, if it weren't for dream girl's inability to control her hormones.

You see, dream girl, was especially horny one day and she became suddenly attracted to The Doctor, another intern,'s butt.

We were discussing a particular project halfway, and out of nowhere, dream girl pushed The Doctor onto the floor, and started pulling his trousers down. The Doctor held firmly to his pants, and dream girl was still tugging forcefully on his zipper.

All of us were too shocked to react, especially said friend. His shock turned into anger as dream girl had never reacted with such aggressively charged hormones towards him before. I suspect he was also jealous with The Doctor, for being able to entice dream girl with his tight pants that accentuated his butt and his, erm, equipment that was bulging right through his pants.

Said friend, left his work place, that night, with a dejected heart.

However, he decided to stick to his criteria for a dream girl (becos he really loves fast food and fat women), minus the obssession with men's behinds.

Which is why, up till today, he is still a virgin, and has never been kissed.



The end.