It's a wonderful Life

When I was young, my parents were always fighting. Not only did it involved the yelling of vulgarities, there was often throwing of cups and such, that woke my bro and I in the middle of the night. They had an unhappy marriage.

In primary school, I was a very quiet student. I didn’t have that many friends, and those whom I claimed as friends, sometimes made use of me and didn’t treat me very well.

When I went to secondary school, I decided to speak up a little more but I still had a lot of problems with friends. I was in the school band, and being a very weak player, I was often looked down by certain seniors. Some of them were sarcastic, some of them didn’t bother teaching me totally. But there were a few that were nice and encouraging.

I didn’t do that well for my ‘O’ Levels. At least, my grades weren’t good enough to get me into the course that I wanted in TP. So I started working and re-took my ‘O’s as a private candidate. In terms of time, I wasted one year.

I started seeing a guy 9 years older than me when I was 16, and stuck with him for 7 years. He was controlling and possessive and restricted my movements almost totally.

When I was in poly, I didn’t do my best all the time. I skipped many lectures and tutorials as allowed but I put in my best for the exams.

I didn’t allow myself to slack when I got into uni. Apart from the exorbitant school fees, I finally understood the value of studying.

My father passed away last year. It was a very painful experience.

After graduation, I was switching jobs every year. Somehow the companies that I wanted to work for never hired me.


When I look back into my life, I wonder if there were regrets. I wonder if things would have been different and would I have want it that way.

A friend that knows me quite well told me that I had a harsh childhood. But it was my childhood that made me the person I am today. It was my parents’ constant fighting that made me a stronger person. I had to be strong for my mom and my bro. I learnt that this is not the kind of marriage that I want.

Because I was a teenager suffering from great inferiority complex, I could never do as well as I wanted. But growing out of it made me see the value in myself. No longer do I want to be looked down upon.

I ‘wasted’one year in re-taking my ‘O’s. Actually, it wasn’t a waste. Despite a junior position in a foreign bank, I learnt a great deal and made very good friends. Besides, I did do better the second time, and I realized that all along, my problem was not being able to concentrate fully while studying. If I hadn't spent one more year taking the cambridge exams, I wouldn’t have gotten into the course of my choice and met some wonderful people that I still claim as friends up till today.

No regrets for not attending lectures and tutorials religiously. Fun took place outside school anyway, and I had great company. When I think back, I don’t think fulfilling a 100% attendance would have made me learnt more. Great friendships were bonded during the times outside school, at the local kopitiam, at the arcade or just at another classmate’s house.

Despite his controlling, my first love taught me a lot of things. I wouldn't be the person that I am today without him. I thank him for that.

During my uni days, I was wondering if I should have dropped out halfway cos I was too homesick and my relationship with my then BF was on the rocks. Up till now, I do not regret my decision. I stuck with it all the way, and the knowledge I have gained will now stick to me for life. Even if I had dropped my studies, my relationship with then-BF wouldn’t have stayed unchanged.

The switching of jobs exposed me to certain things that I didn’t know. Weird as it sounds, but one year in each job was really enough. I learnt a great deal and made wonderful friends with each job. And now, I am finally going to work for a firm of my choice.

My only regret is not spending more time with my father. I kept reminding myself that I should, but somehow, I never got the chance to. May he rest in peace.

But my father’s death made me love my mother more. I don’t want to have any regrets when it is her time. I have learnt my lesson.

I guess, sometimes, in life, we would look back now and then, and wonder if things will be different if you have made certain decisions better. If you like things the way they are now, probably it was best that you hadn’t made other decisions then. If you’re unhappy, then learnt from the past mistakes whatsoever, and make yourself happier from now on.

My life philosophy is to try and live simply and be happy. Reason for my constant smiling. Simple as it sounds, but it’s not easy.

Life is so short, just always try to be happy. It’s the only thing you can do for yourself.