When there's no turning back

Sometimes when you're alone, you start to dwell on things. Then, you realised that you're often not very happy. Why? For girls, generally, the one thing that can influence their emotions is their relationship with their current beau.

You may start to realise that this relationship is taking you nowhere. You often break out in tears just thinking of the fights you have with each other. You feel the resentment building up and everytime someone ask you about your relationship, you can only dish out anger, fear, frustration, etc etc. This is when you must pause and think, whether this relationship is worth salvaging.

A friend of mine is having some problems with his girlfriend.

Her side of the story:

He had gone behind her back and dated other girls before. Although he has apologized and assured her that it would never happen again, she can no longer trust him. If he doesn't pick up her calls or return her sms, she would think he is avoiding her or doing something that she wouldn't want to hear of.

His side of the story:

He had never betrayed her. Yes, he might have gone on "dates" but nothing ever happened. He doesn't understand why she would freak out whenever he can't answer her call. After all, he was working late in the office almost every day and it sometimes just isn't convenient to answer personal calls.

How I got into the story:

They broke up after she thought he was cheating on her. She sent an sms to me about keeping in touch and of course, the reason why they broke up. I sent back sms asking her to take care.

Then they got back together.

Now, they are having problems again. Whenever she can't get him, she would get me. She would get me, to call him, to call her. This did not happen just once or twice.

He was frustrated with her overly suspicious mind and wanted me to speak to her.

In short, I am a pigeon.

So when your relationship has taken such a turn, where you have to rely on a third party to interfere, something is clearly wrong. Most people are reluctant to give up a relationship because:

1) You've been together a long time

Note that "a long time" is subjective here, so it could mean 7 years or 7 weeks. But time is not a good measure of whether this relationship is gonna work. Neither is time a good reason why you should still carry on building more resentment for the other party

2) You still have feelings for him/her

Of course you do. Everyone does. But with increasing rage and frustration, love diminishes. One day, you will wake up and realise that you hate him/her, more so than you love him/her.

3) You do still have happy times together

But in what percentage? Are you 90% happy with each other and spend only 10% of your time squabbling? Or is it a 50-50 deal? If it is the latter, I advise you, let go. Hell, even if it's a 60% (good) and 40% (bad) situation, you might also want to consider letting go. Unless you're able to tip the scales in the positive direction.

So why? Why do you still want to cling on to a relationship that may

i) lead to nowhere? or worse, to destruction of your entire life?

ii) stop you from finding someone who may be able to make you happy without compromising?

iii) bring more pain and unhappiness as time passes by?

If what you're clinging on is past memories, then you had better bang your head on the wall and wake up. Life is about the present, and the future. The past stays only as memories and lessons that you learnt from. Don't assume he/she will change. He/she won't. Eat that.

Refusing to face up to reality and moving on is a sign of stupidity and is detrimental to your emotional well-being. Why be stupid when you can be smart and healthy?

This is neither smart nor healthy