While nursing my ailing body in bed this morning, I received an SMS from Free Willy. He asked if I was able to attend his wedding dinner which is brought forward from December this year. Reason being, his wife is now pregnant.
Just last week, I attended a wedding which was arranged within two and a half months. The girl, also got pregnant apparently and they had very little time to get prepared. But their situation is pretty rough, as the girl had just graduated from poly and just started work. She left her job immediately upon confirmation of her pregnancy. I guess she didn’t want to deal with the office gossips that would most likely take place with the bulging of her tummy.
Last November, a cousin of mine, got married rather abruptly. She is 3 years younger than me and while we are on good terms, I have not heard her mentioned her marriage prior to this. After all, her husband was still schooling. My mom kept hinting that I should go ask her about it which I of course, refused to. If she had wanted me to know, she would have told me without my asking. Anyway, I told my mom that we would know the truth sooner or later. And six months later, we received news of the birth of her baby boy.
Shot-gun marriages now seem to be an upcoming trend. Or has it always been there?
I believe from young, we have been instilled into our minds the consequences of unprotected sex. Apart from stern warnings from parents, the drama serials shown on Channel 8 also act as reminders:
1) Girl meets Boy. They had sex. Girl gets pregnant. Boy dumps girl. Girl turns suicidal.
2) Girl meets Boy. They had unprotected sex. Girl gets pregnant and Boy makes her go for abortion. After which, Girl will go into a depression and kill herself.
3) Girl meets Boy. They had unprotected sex and Girl gets pregnant. They decided to get married but met with a lot of financial and emotional huddles. Eventually they broke up and the children were left with a broken family.
Despite the constant reminders from our environment, we often still see our friends getting themselves into such sticky situations. Even for Free Willy, a man whom I felt was not only cautious, but also sensible enough not to get himself into unplanned situations such as these. Just last week, I was still asking him about parenthood and he said it wouldn’t happen soon. But sometimes, things change just with the blinking of an eye. I wouldn’t worry about him though, since he is financially stable and they had already gone through ROM last year.
Shot-gun marriages needn’t necessarily mean it wouldn’t work nor it is definitely a bad thing. It’s just, in my opinion, such events are better when prepared.
These incidents also made me realize that no matter how mentally strong you are, you will yield to temptations, when it comes to sex. I know some of you out there enjoy having unprotected sex. While I hope you have enjoyed yourselves, I also wish that you will be ready to face the music in time to come. Something that I constantly remind myself about.
posted by Adrenaline at 8:11 PM
22 Comments:
And here I am, a virgin at 27, wondering what how fast the world is moving while leaving folks like me far behind.
:(
Shotgun ah... In some cases I wonder if its a good idea to get married for the sake of the kid...
Before you condemn me to the category of callous cads, lemme explain a lil bit...
Shotgun prolly means the couple weren't prepared to get married as yet. (caught unprepared mah) And to get married under such pressure (from parents, society, personal guilt/responsibility) implies we often do not ask the most important qn of all:
Do they love each other enough to build a life together, or are they getting married for the sake of the kid?
It takes a strong person (esp. the woman) to put her foot down and say no, esp. in a society like ours that stigmatizes single mothers.
Shotgun isn't and shouldn't be viewed as the easy way out for all parties concerned.
In the long run, I wouldn't wish for the unborn child to grow up in misery because the parents don't love each other enough...
i agree. the temptation is always there. situations where the couple has already ROM-ed, aren't too bad as they are already 'married' in name. all that leaves is the ceremonial procedures.
however, situations where the couple are still schooling or have not even gone through ROM, are the worst of the lot. they have to make their life's decisions quickly and be true to their heart. whatever their decision is, i believe they have to take responsibilities for their actions.
that is my opinion, albeit a lengthy one. :p
Actually, I do consider Free Willy to be married since they've already registered like last year in march. And the customary wedding is just a formality, a ritual that we have to do nicely for the sake of our parents. Once you sign in front of witnesses on that fateful day, that's it, you're married and when you die, she gets something.
So I wouldn't consider it a shotgun marriage. Not being fully prepared, yes. But even with the best of preparations, who's to say who's ready?
But unprotected sex is just silly and sometimes asking for it. However, accidents do happen, like you've pointed out. And I guess the best thing is to be mentally prepared should the shit ever hit the fan, or in these cases, the sperm enters the egg.
And shotgun marriages have always been around since times ancient, why do you think those people of the past got so many wives?
Haiz like what i always says.......be a V , or rather no sex till marriage....
sibeh sian: heh, frankly, i dont think u wld wanna get urself into such a situation.
vandice: agree. That is my point of this post. While the birth of a baby is usually a good thing, the timing may not be right.
but shotgun is the better way out than abortion, isn't it?
ensui: yes, it's already tough for those who are married, but unprepared for children. Not to mention unmarried couples.
ogre: yes, shot-gun marriage does not apply to willy's case. Just that it's an unplanned pregnancy. But they've actually got most things ready, and it's no problem for them to go thro customary earlier.
No lah, in the ancient times, people get a lot of wives becos they're allowed to, not so much becos of unplanned pregnancies.
noneofyrbiz: u look at sibeh sian's message lor. He is a V, and dreading so.
U are a V, but u're so sexed up and i think it screws up some of your brains liao. heheh ...
Yes, in ancient times they're allowed to.
But, a lot of it is because I'd like to fuck her, but not support her. Oh damn, she's got my kid, now I have support her. I'll have to stop fucking her soon and look for anothersweet young thing to fuck until she gets pregnant too. Until I cannot support anymore. Really.
i too am afraid of getting pregnant unprepared, big time!! bearing a child is something im not ready to take on...and thats my main reason as to why i choose to remain a V...
ogre: or it's the case of I'd like to keep fucking her for the free. I doubt it's the baby cos in the ancient times, people like lotsa kids. hahah ... make sense?
shla: i say, good for u then! keep it up.
Ah, I finally succeeded in 'tomorrowing' you. Heh.
http://tomorrow.sg/archives/2006/06/15/unwanted_pregnancies__upcoming_t.html#comment
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! great stuff.
I'd choose marriage over abortion.. I don't think covering a mistake or lack of self-control by adults justifies murder of an innocent. That's an easy way out, chicken way out. Even if the couple aren;t prepared at the point of impregnation, it's not too late for them to start gearing up and get ready to! However, i only hope that people surrrounding the couple would be a source of encouragement and support, not condemnation. Sometimes it also the family and public that needs couseling and education not just the couple.
Strangely, i read in an article recently that the most fertile period for women is near their age 20, after which their fertility deteriorates (?? so young!!) Which kinda makes you think that perhaps biologically, there's nothing wrong with getting married young and having children. Perhaps it's the way we've been brought up or been bringing up children that does not equip us/them with the mental and emotional tenacity and maturity..?
At the same time, it just baffles and saddens me that there are couples out there paying thousands and millions just so they can have a child while others are choosing to kill off the opportunity to have one. Anyway, I am happy to share here that a friend couple of mine who've been trying for many years, the wife finally got pregnant yesterday! yay :)
Getting pregnant before marriage?!
GASP!!!
What will the Christian Fundamentalists (and moronic purveyors of the Virginity Pledge) say??!!
Some people are so naive to think that the natural birth control method works or it will never happen to them. But if they are not prepared to create a little life, then staying celibate is still the best method. Even birth control dun work all the time. Take it from someone married and 2 lovely children conceived under "misfiring" situation.
Well, I'd like to say that, even though I'm the youngest around here, I do treat contraceptives v.seriously. I will never put myself into sticky (NO pun intended) situations I can't get out of. Let's just say the number of times I didn't strictly 'follow by the rules' can be counted with one hand. Serious, though I'm young and wild and all.
I mean, it's responsiblity lah. You demand for the freedom and you feel you're ready, you have to act like you're ready, am I right? That's the thing what most parents are most worried about - haven't even finish putting their children through sch and they have grandchildren to look after already.
There are just sososo many things to think about lor. It's not worth it. I'd prefer to stick to my safe and enjoyable, worry-free sex, thank you v.much.
= )
Oh, and talking about married couples not prepared for a child, I think basically we're always not prepared for things what. Can you tell me which test or exam you are really prepared for? Even with things we know are coming we may not necessarily be prepared. Just have to adapt. If it's financially wise, since abortion will never be an option, why let it bother you (you as in to whom it may concern) that much.
My humble opinion.
P.S: Although I really really think, if one is incapable of supporting oneself + parents and have money to spare, don't fucking mate. At least wear something. Have protected sex.
Don't abort, coz it kills an innocent life. Don't get married, coz you aren't mentally, emotionally and, most importantly, financially prepared for married life anyway. So, give the child away to a couple with fertility problem. The couple prolly has greater financial means to give your child a better future anyways. No losers, only winners in this situation.
sibeh sian: u know the farnie thing is, before i saw ur comment, i've already nominated u for the Asian Blog Award.
tomato: "Sometimes it also the family and public that needs couseling and education not just the couple."
excellent point. I think often, we fail to emphasize on the importance of emotional support needed by the couple.
yes, it is indeed baffling for the many people who fork out the money to abort the innocent child. While i do not agree with this, i've a couple of friends who has gone thro' this. I can't judge them since they're my friends, so i can only support them emotionally.
anonymous1: hehe .... point taken.
anonymous2: speaking from experience, i see. unfortunately, many are unable to stay celibate before marriage and can only rely on conventional birth control methods. Guess it's still better than not using any form of contraception.
zhebin: eh, u thick-skin leh. u're sure u're the youngest?
i guess being prepared after marriage would apply to financial status bah. Of cos it would still be great when the couple manage to accrue some savings before the baby arrives.
and u got my point. I'm appealing to all to have protected sex if u're not ready for the responsibilities of taking care of a child.
shixin: yes, it's an alternative to give the baby up for adoption. But i think the complication comes in after the baby is born. Which mother will really give her baby to someone else? it's like taking away a piece of your flesh.
I so agree with you.
Pregnancy is never the best reason for marriage. Marriage should only happen when both think they are right for each other, and not just because they had an "accident".
Even marriages that are not shotgun are hard to maintain, let alone plunging into a lifetime commitment with a baby following very shortly after. *shivers* Confirm cannot handle it.
I personally know quite a few people who are divorced from their shotgun marriages. Just proves the point, doesn't it? And the kid suffers. *SIGH*
Nono... I don't advocate abortion... but I do think perhaps single parenthood/adoption may be more workable in certain circumstances.
shelly: I think if both parties have been together for an enough amount of time, then they can give it a shot at marriage. Provided they know that marriage's something that's down the road for them sooner or later.
mm ... not all shot gun marriages cannot work lah. heh.
vandice: Unfortnately, the 2 options u have listed are viewed as the tougher options.
sibeh sian--- u really a virgin?
seriously?
WHY?....
just wonderin...
ezer: Becos nobody wants to lay him. Look at his pic; it's not hard to imagine why.
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