I am a Screw-up

when it comes to interviews. I don't understand it myself, sometimes. I have no problem articulating, use enough eye contact and gestures, am polite and humble (during interviews), able to put across my aspiration (in a non-desperate manner) to learn and thereafter contribute to the organization, etc. But I've never gotten my desired job.

I once applied to B*T for a logistics position. I went through the first interview well and got invited for a second interview. This time, the HR lady was present and she asked non-job-related questions like "what is your goal in twenty years' time?" Seriously, what the fuck?! Are you fucking telling me you can see what you want to do in twenty years' time?? I could be sun-tanning on a Florida beach, or lying quietly in a small yellow jar. I answered nonetheless, cos secretly, I do have a goal that I would like to achieve when I'm in my forties, though it's more of a dream rather than an ambition.

So I told her, that I would like to be a lecturer.

Yeah, I know, some people have told me that I couldn't have been more stupid to give such an answer. That was really what I felt then (and now too). I want to be in a position where I can expose myself to more people, climb up the corporate ladder, make management decisions, etc. Then i'll quit, maybe around 45, to become a lecturer so that I can impart knowledge to the next generation. I have always felt that knowledge not passed down is such a waste. And I hate waste.

Anyway, speaking from my heart apparently didn't work for the HR lady and I didn't get the job. She also mentioned that I was over-qualified for the position. Again, what the fuck?! If that is the case, don't even invite me to the interview! I indicated that I was more than willing to start at a lower position with a lower pay. What the fuck more do you want from me?

Another time, I was invited to H* for an interview after countless resumes that I have sent in for openings in this company. The first interview went on well, we even cracked a few jokes and the manager was impressed with me enough, to invite me to a second interview. Once again, I screwed up during the second interview. This time, it was entirely my fault. The interview was held on a Monday at 9.30am, and I was in a terrible mood from not having enough sleep. So I was grumpy and obviously, that didn't leave too good an impression with the senior manager who was a lady.

The above are just two instances where I screwed up. I have got lots more. And unless you've gone on as many interviews as I had, you wouldn't understand how it feels to attend interviews, full of hope, then to fall badly when you didn't receive any calls from them after that. The falls, brought my self-confidence and pride down with them.

The reason why I am telling you, dear readers, about this, is because I received a call yesterday, to attend an interview in June. This company, is gigantic with lots of opportunities for me to move across departments. I have sent in my resumes a couple of times, only to be ignored completely. This time, I sent in my resume, expecting no reply from them. Serious. So you can imagine my delight when I was shortlisted to present myself in front of a panel of 3 interviewers. But as the excitement wore off, I was left with panic, dejection and anxiety. So many times, I was invited to attend interviews to the jobs that I truly want and felt that I could do well, but it never worked out.

I didn't want to tell anyone about this. Not even Mr BF. He knows that I'll be attending an interview but he doesn't know which organization I have applied to. I was afraid to tell him because I was afraid that telling other people would jinx it. The last thing I want, is to have my friends asking me, "So?? Did you get the job?" and I have to answer with, "Nope. No reply from them. I guess this is it." And my friends, being generally nice people would say, "Don't worry lah, maybe they'll still call! (though it's been a month)" or "Don't worry, go find another job lor!" While I appreciate the concern and encouragement, many of my friends, have not gone through job hunting like I did. They landed themselves in cushy jobs easily, or even in Mr BF's case, all he needed to do, was to attend ONE interview, and he would get the job. It was like, one shot, one kill.

Anyway, I hope to be able to convey good news after I've attended the interview. Given the panel of interviewers for that day, I doubt very much there would be a second interview, so this is my only chance to convince them to hire me. It's not a fantastic position actually, but like I said, it's the firm. This firm, will not crumble. Not at least for another century. And of course, the bonus they offer, is pretty remarkable. At least for my standards.

Also, I realised that the interviewers that failed me were all women. Maybe they have a problem with my cleavage. Heh.

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With reference to the above subject, can anyone please tell me, how do you answer when an interviewer says, "Tell me about yourself."

I don't know why, but I have absolutely no idea what to say. I mean, do I say I am jovial and easy-going? That I am generally lovable and would get along with everyone? Should i tell them I'm a smoker? Should I tell them I play mahjong and watch TV when I can?? or that I used to play squash, love to jog and swim? Or should I just tell them my vital statistics??

I don't think telling them about my job experience or studies is appropriate to this question. I really don't. After all, I play a lot of spider solitaire during office hours cos there is not much work to do, and I spent a lot of time playing mahjong when i was a student. Heh.

Your responses would be greatly appreciated. And YOU! Green Ogre! Don't tell me to go under the interviewer's desk, you piece of shit. I would do that only to get a seven digit amount, but not just for a job. Heh.