My Time

Usually, mornings are the time that I have entirely to myself. If i drive to work, I'll blast the music and sing out loud to wake myself up. Or, i'll just put on the radio and think about things that I don't tell others about.

If I take the train, it's about the only time I have to read. I never read much during my growing days, and I do wish to make up for lost time. I'll put on my earplugs, listen to selected MP3s and catch up on the books that I don't get to read very often. When I'm at home, there is always housework to do. So much that I don't get to sit down quietly and just read the books that I bought. In this manner, I do quite enjoy taking public transport.

However, there have been times when I ran into people that I know on the train or on the bus. It's fine if it's a fellow colleague or a friend whom I'm pretty close to. We would end up chatting (or gossiping) on the way to work.

I do feel quite annoyed though, when I meet people whom i'm not particularly close to, or interested in. There is this obligatory small talk that you have to make, and frequently, there is always this silence in between that makes the situation awkward. If it's someone that I just nod to, that's fine. I'm talking about those whom you've seen walking around in the office, those you meet in the toilets, and the people whom you make small talk with at the office gantry (where you wish the coffee machine would work faster so you could just get out of that area).

I don't enjoy small talks with people that I have no dealings or interest in. Especially so when they're management staff. I just want to get back to my MP3 and my book. It would, however, seem rude if I just mutter a "hi" and turn back into my book. Somehow, people I ran into would go more than just a "good morning" or "hi, I didn't know you take this train". They would start engaging in small talk, which seemed like the only polite thing to do.

I do wonder though, during the midst of the obligatory chatting, if they feel the same way that I do.

"Why don't she just get back to her book, and we can stop chatting?"

"Gosh, I wish the bus would come so that we don't need to have this obligatory chat."

Would it seem weird, if I were to ask these people, "would you rather I get back to my book?"?

Somehow, my colleagues are all custom-made with small talk abilities or they're just born talkative. They always seemed only too glad to have someone to talk to while on their way to work. Maybe because I don't wish to be misunderstood as being rude, so I may have portrayed the same form of enthusiasm?

On days like this, I wish I drive. In my little world, where I can sing out loud, sneak a little "nap" at traffic junctions, cry when I think of things that pained me, or laugh as I reminisced through happy events. The only drawback is, of course, I'll never get to finish that book.